Recharged

Home is an idea that holds... very strong emotion for me. It's something many people search for their whole lives, or something they feel they don't have. For me it's the place I can go to lose my cares, to restrengthen and recharge; it's where my family is. It's where there's love. I guess I should count it among my blessings that I've always had a home worth returning to.

Anyway. Being home for Christmas and New Years was a much-needed and indescribably rejuvenating blessing. I've been back in the city now for two (three?) weeks, and I'll be you-know-what-ed if I'm not working my butt off (at least much more than I did the last several months). Classes and auditions and errands and whatever else all built up to me eventually deciding to do nothing but sleep and become a vegetable one day. Of course, once that old familiar laziness started setting in, something in my brain told me I had to get off my butt and get back out there. I don't know what has reinvigorated me so, but I'm sure glad it did.

I can definitely say I'm feeling much better now than I was when I left; of course, there's plenty of time left to become redepressed. Productivity breeds contentment, though. I have been living by that creedo since returning to le grande apple.

Still. There's always more I could do. At the end of the day, I still have my mind racing, trying to analyze the steps I should take. Part of this more productive lifestyle comes from a constantly self-critiquing attitude- I'm not cutting myself any slack anymore. If I want this, I'm going to have to fight for it. It's not gonna be handed to me.

Self-critiquing comes easy when you're stepping out into unfamiliar territory. My first On-Camera acting class is a wonderful example: I cannot even articulate the mortification of watching myself up there these first few weeks. Literally all I can see are flaws. But, dadgummit, I am going to get to where I'm satisfied with myself! Enrolling in dance classes is another great scenario: My first class I went to with my friend. She failed to inform me that it was an Intermediate Level class, and they're leaping and bounding across the room like it's nothing. I had never done a dance leap in my life. But I kept going, and have now been much more properly enrolled in a beginner level (which just so you all know does not really mean beginner. We were still leaping by the end of that class. I just wasn't the only one less-than-spectacular at it.)

I sit here tonight, far past when I should have been asleep, just a bit overwhelmed. I am a blessed boy. I look around at my life, the people I know, and I feel love. And that means so much to me. Love is the foundation of a life lived well. It goes back to the home thing; to feel love is to feel a place of home. So to feel love around me is powerful. It's being at home in the world. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess the point is this: Spread the love, y'all.

Pointless post, I suppose. But there you have it. I'll just share this (not sure if I have before or not). But it's one of my favorite songs:

Love Overflowing...

I've been feeling an urge to change the world again lately. Every now and then it sneaks up on me and really hits me like BAM! Probably has to do with the scene work we've been doing in Acting class, which me and my partner Kait have been kicking butt at if I do say so myself. We had our midterm evaluations which consisted of all of our teachers stating what they thought of us on a sheet of paper and then meeting privately with our Acting teacher; essentially, they all love me. I kid, I kid. There are plenty of things for me to work on. My Acting teacher's main complaint was that I wasn't being quite the leader that he felt I was supposed to be. Story of my life...

Two new favorites from the Gym Chronicles: An entire team of some indistinguishable sport, all foreign. Probably Austrian or Swedish. Don't know why I would assume that since I have no idea what Austrians or Swedes look or sound like, but there you go. They all came in together in their spandex outfits and pulled the mats out into the middle of the floor and stretched in an unorganized manner. This lasted maybe 10 minutes. Then they all finished, stacked the mats back in the corner, and left. Good workout, huh? Second favorite: An old man who stood next to his wife jogging on the treadmill the whole time she ran, waiting for her to finish because he just wanted to be with her. His only activity was asking whether she needed more water or a towel or anything. Altogether now: AWW!

I watched Toy Story 3 with some friends from school tonight, and I must ardently warn any college freshman against watching that movie unless you are prepared for a big fat cry-fest. Lemme tell ya, we was all in tears. Such a good movie, but boy does it hit home right about now!

Home... I've been missing that place lately. When I think of home, I think of a place where there's love overflowing... I love that song. That's one thing that NYC, with all it's endless thrills, adventures, and excitement, is not: a place where there's love overflowing. That place is home, with my incredible, amazing, irreplaceable family who I miss like a you-know-what. THIRTEEN days until I go home; yes, I am counting. And yes, I cannot wait for those thirteen days to go by. 

However, there's just something about stepping out onto the streets of New York City. It's so alive, people everywhere, all ambitious (Some a little too ambitious. I'm talking to YOU, lady who nearly took me down on the sidewalk and then bustled off as if it was my fault.). This city is a place of energy, dreams, and people. People with the capacity to love; only most of the time they don't. They're too scared, or too busy, or selfish. Maybe they've spent their life never really thinking of anywhere as 'home', never giving or receiving love? But what if they did? You can either let this city make you feel very small, or you can feed off that energy and feel on top of the world when you step onto the sidewalk. It ain't always easy, but as much as I can... I choose the latter. And maybe when I get filled up with that energy, I could send it back out, in the form of love... overflowing from me and infecting the people around me, filling hearts... a world full of love... and then maybe this city, this world could be, just a little bit, like Home.

(At least that's my cheesy, dramatic, eternally optimistic idea.)

Easy A

Let's talk about Easy A. Most of you have probably heard of this movie- well, let me rephrase that statement: Most of you under the age of 25. It's a little high school flick starring the delightful Emma Stone about a girl who unintentionally starts spreading rumors about her own sexual activity with unfortunate results. This starts when, in a spur-of-the-moment decision, she decides to lie about losing her virginity to a college student, sparking further and further lies to help her own and others reputations, eventually coming to being paid to say that she 'did things' with less-popular students. Naturally, the whole situation becomes out of her control and leads to situations she could never have expected. I honestly really liked the movie, and thought it had a lot of good things to say.

But what's really worth thinking about is the portrayal of Christians. Amanda Bynes plays the Christian girl in school, head of the 'Christian club' that really just goes around condemning people and acting pretentious. These kids sit around and sing African American hymns to guitar and protest all the things they can possibly find to be anti-Christian, while really only accomplishing annoying the crap out of and alienating everyone. These situations are funny, but, for a Christian, also uncomfortable because it's not that far from the truth.

It gets a little more upsetting than that, though. When things really get out of hand and our little heroine decides to seek help from God, she heads into the nearest Catholic church and sits herself down in a confessional. She pours her little heart out in a genuinely touching scene, only to open the screen separating her from the priest to find that there is no one there. After that unsuccessful attempt at Christian condolence, she heads to a Methodist church to speak with a pastor. This does not go well. She never really gets around to what she wants guidance about because the pastor can only really focus on telling her over and over and over that there is a Hell. Furthermore, she discovers that this pastor is the father of her Christian schoolmate that has been giving her the Hell she went to the church to try and find some help for.

To an average viewer, these seemingly harmless scenes are nothing more than laugh-getters. Sadly there's a little more to it than that. A young, confused teenage girl going through a small crisis finds, instead of a helping hand, a practical enemy in the Christians at her school. It's not just her, though. Everyone hates the 'Christian clique' at the school, and for good reason: They're a bunch of judgemental, pretentious, exclusive little kids. Despite this clear discouragement, our leading lady still heads to the church for guidance when she feels truly overwhelmed. But what does she find when she opens up and is honest about what she's feeling and the things she's unsure about? An empty chair. No one listening. People who don't wanna listen, but just overpower, never even allowing her to speak her mind. It's truly disconcerting to realize that the church, Christians are seen this way. It's more disconcerting to realize that it is probably based in some truth.

If living in New York City for close to a month now has taught me anything, it's that people everywhere are lost, looking for something, anything to give them a little reason. This movie is a perfect example of that. Yes, it's a silly, fun teenage flick. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have something to say. Has the church become so distanced from the world that it can't be a place of help when an 'outsider' seeks it? Are we so engrossed in being different from the world that those wishing to can't find solace? When the world comes to us after all their efforts have failed, and pours out it's insecurities and unsureness for us, will we listen and be there and show them the love they seek? Or will we be an empty chair? Hard questions to ponder.

Going to acting school in NYC, I am surrounded by people without faith, people who measure their lives by fleeting, material things. Don't get me wrong- They are delightful, fantastic folks and I'm so glad I know them, but I am different from almost all of them because of my faith. It doesn't get to me. I have absolute confidence in my belief, and you know what's remarkable about that? I don't have to be forceful, pushy, pretentious, judgemental or any of those other unfortunate Christian cliches. My unwavering faith speaks strong enough on its own. And when people come to me with their issues and questions (and they do), I listen. I don't judge or condemn. I tell them what I know to be true. And I show them love. Love is all over the Bible. '...For God so loved the world...', '...love thy neighbor as thyself...', '...Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love...' God was pretty big on love. I'm pretty sure he intended the church to be so as well.

There was one more scene in that movie worth looking at: Near the end when the main girl is broadcasting a live video blog which she has coerced everyone into watching with a (false) promise of taking her clothes off, we see the aforementioned insensitive pastor watching on his laptop and becoming angry when the girl does not go through with her promised strip-fest. This unfortunately not far-fetched scene also has something to say, albeit in an unintentional way: No matter how different we aspire to be from the world (as we should; God demands holiness), we still are part of it. We are not Christ. We are not above our fellow man. We are just like them- we just happen to have reason to try and be better. We should listen to what they have to say, show a little understanding, a little love. I'm pretty sure that's what big J.C. would have done. I hope the church, Christians can get back to that.