Well. It's been awhile. I debated for a long time how much I wanted to reveal to the world wide web and anybody I personally know who might read this (and was actually kinda discouraged from it by my dad at first), but I've decided honesty is the best policy in life; I did not end up participating in the show I had been rehearsing for, The Wedding Plan. Various factors that I have no interest in going into anymore contributed to me being unfairly ousted, along with a couple other cast members mere days before the performances. It was one of the most confusing, infuriating, awful experiences of my life. It was both a blessing and a curse that it happened the day before I went home for my brother, Ben's graduation; a blessing because I was going home and away from the city and industry I felt pretty betrayed by, a curse because I had to explain what had happened what felt like 5 million times to my extended family and people (many of whom I don't actually know) who asked how my play was going. (In retrospect, it's really quite remarkable and flattering that people actually care enough to inquire, and I'm grateful for that.)
Of course, once I was home I didn't want to return. But return I did, to several lined up auditions, all of which, as it goes with life, went fantastically. Still. It was a tough time. I was back in a place I didn't really currently want to be. We were in the midst of rushing around trying to decide whether to renew our lease or move. I was (and am) quickly running out of money, and was having a harder time than expected finding a job. And as much as I knew I needed to move on, I still felt ashamed and angry about what happened. And I didn't write on here or talk too much to people because I didn't want to until I had good news to report.
Then one night I had to run out around midnight and go to the office of our landlord to slip our rent under her door- It was the last day it could be turned in, and, being Addisons, we'd waited 'til then to do so. Then I began to walk back to the subway, but when I got to it I wanted to keep walking. So I did. I spent some time contemplating life by a lit-up fountain. I kept walking past more and more subway stops, my mind moving at the same time as my feet. What I came to realize as I was walking the streets of New York City at 2 in the morning was that I didn't need to wait for good news to come: I had more than enough to be thankful for already. I'm living in the city I've always wanted to, pursuing the dream of my life. I have a family that I never could have deserved. And I have an unshakeable faith. I had good news all around me all the time, and I needed to remember it.
And then good news came. I walked all the way home from 59th St to 104th, came in, got online, and had an email waiting to tell me that I had been cast in the first reading of a new musical.
The reading went nicely. It's a lovely new show called My Illustrious Wasteland, and I love the music. They're hoping to put it up in a workshop next (just like Smash, for any of you who've seen it), with the hope of getting some producers to take it to Off-Broadway after that. Now mind you, it's just an inital reading; no casting is confirmed yet. I felt like a real actor sitting in that room. Working on new material, doing whatever is asked of me with no promises and no guarantees. Haha.
Tonight I went and watched an outdoor free screening of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in Bryant Park. Watching a movie out under the stars (that I couldn't see, this is NYC after all), with the skyscrapers towering around me... It was a pretty awesome experience (even if that movie is one of the weirdest I've ever seen). Last weekend, I drove out of the city with Amy, Julie, and Julie's boyfriend Luis to a state park. They had designated swimming areas, but, naturally, those would not suffice for the Addisons. We wandered up the road a bit, and swam out into the open water, out to a little island sticking up in the middle of the lake. It was fantastic. I'm incredibly grateful that, even in troubling or difficult times, I'm still able to overwhelmed every now and then by the beauty of life. Sometimes I feel it even in just the smallest things, like having the perfect meal right when you want it or seeing the sun set in a beautiful, unique way.
Something occurred to me recently. While I was in the midst of my despair over what had happened with the show, I, as always, began to drudge through all of the painful or traumatic experiences of my life- and I've had my fair share, no matter how well I've hidden them or grinned through them. And it struck me that maybe I go through genuinely dramatic events because I live my life to the extreme emotionally. And, if so, I don't think that's something I ever want to change about myself.
Or, who knows, maybe I'm just truly the King of the Drama.
Anyway, this post has been long and rambling. In a couple weeks I'll be flying home to spend some time with my brothers, my Mom and Dad, and myself. There's nothing like being away from all opportunity to really give me the drive to come back here and prove myself. Naturally, as soon as I officially made the decision to go away for a bit, my social life began to fill up, but isn't that the way life always goes? And who cares! Who knows when the next time I'll be free to go home and just chill will be?
I'll end with this: I recently was asked: If I had 500 million dollars (or some huge amount like that), and never had to worry about money, what would I do? I would do exactly what I'm doing right now, living in NYC, going after my dream. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of that.
