What can I tell you? School is amazing as of late. Literally every day, every class there is something to be learned, some way to benefit. It has changed from last semester. There's a lot more to do in every class (an overwhelming amount of work sometimes), from improvs to sketch comedy to choreography assignments to transcription exercises, but more than that it has to do with a simple truth: If you devote yourself to something, you will benefit. It took me awhile to realize that last semester, but this semester I returned to school knowing without a doubt that I was there for one purpose: to learn. And learn I have. It's incredible how much the past three weeks of school has benefited me. The other side of that, however, is that I'm 'bout spent at the end of each day. Believe it or not, it takes a lot out of you to give yourself over to performance, even just class exercises. It's all worth it, though; I can feel myself improving and it's an amazing feeling.
I would be remiss if I didn't admit that being so focused took some of my focus away from that other part of my life I work so hard at: my optimistic, happy-go-lucky, and kindness to others mantra. The past three weeks have been a wake up call to me in that aspect. Rather than noticing a good attitude about me, people began to notice a somewhat judgemental attitude, and an occasionally less-than-joyous mood. It's the state I most naturally fall back into, but it's the state that I refuse to be snared by. It hurts me when I hear those things from people- I want people to notice a light about me, a peace that can be explained by nothing besides God. JJ Moore used to tell a story about a young boy sitting in Sunday School listening to the teacher talk about God being inside of you. He raised his hand: "Teacher, isn't God huge? If he's inside of us, won't he poke out all over?"
I sure hope so. I pray that he would fill me up and poke out all over.
I'm working on it, forever. Haha. I can't be perfectly good every day, and every day can't be perfectly good. But I can have peace every day. And every day I can try to reflect that peace as best as I can. Living with family again has made it glaringly obvious how much they put up with from me, attitude-wise. Attempting to be perky each day in public has turned me into someone with the bad habit of letting my family always see my worst side. They don't deserve that. They deserve better than the public gets. Recognizing my laziness attitude-wise with Amy and Julie has been a tough thing to come to terms with. But I am. And I'm working on it. Because not only does my family deserve it, so does the One who made me.
Laziness. That word has a lot of resonance with me lately. In Acting last week, I had to do another phone call exercise (I think I explained those earlier? Important phone call, important task in room, somewhere to go urgently.), and I blew it off until the morning before class. When I got to class I had an idea to go with: Mom had called and left a message on my phone that my dog had run away, and I was calling back and finding out they'd been found. But then out of nowhere came something else. Something similar to what I'd planned, but much stronger. My dogs hadn't gone missing. Sam had. My little brother. For over 10 hours. I was calling back and finding out he'd been found with a broken leg. Suddenly it was my turn to go. And I went. And it was pretty fantastic. The emotions were there, the technique was there, the honesty, the connection. It pretty well shocked my classmates. After I finished, the teacher followed me out into the hallway and took my face in her hands and said words I'll never forget: "James. Almost. Had you gone one more step, taken one more breath, it would have been amazing. Very good work." She went on to guess that I hadn't practiced. "You have got to get out of your own way. Your laziness is holding you back from expressing something truly amazing to us. I beg you. Don't be lazy. Get out of your own way."
And she's right, of course. This sentiment has been shared by almost every teacher: There's something very special inside of me. But I need to go one step further. Then there'd be something phenomenal. It's an encouraging thought, but it's also scary. What will that be if I go one step further? Where will it take me? It gives me chills thinking about it. But I've got to do it. It's what I was made for. I believe that.
We managed to maneuver a full-size couch and a ridiculously oversized TV into our 4th floor apartment with much difficulty and even more hilarity. Twice we employed the help of kind fellow tenants, once with nearly disastrous effects. But it's in now, baby! WE CONQUERED! And the mysterious long line of cops sitting outside our building has returned, making life truly complete once again.
Life is good. God is good. Always. It's not perfect. But it's a work in progress.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Getting Back to Blogging!
Okay, first good thing about my sisters being here: They're on my case about updating the blog- I've been getting lazy! It's certainly not from lack of delightful and bizarre New York occurrences. There have been plenty of those.
My sisters moved up here with me- I infected them with some of that New York City crazy! We've got a lovely little apartment right on the edge of Harlem, surrounded by the projects. We like it! Some of my friends have been a bit nervous to come up here. They'll come around though. I will say that for the first week we were here, a line of about sixteen cops pulled up across the street every night and just sat there, I guess just to remind everyone that law enforcement does in fact exist in Harlem. It was quite strange, and the sisters and I were quite tempted to run down and demand to know what they were doing. But we thought that might give off some unintended signals.
For those of you who don't know, cheaply furnishing an apartment in NYC is quite an experience. Especially if you live on the 4th floor of a walk-up. Although there are wonderful things to be had for free from people all over the city who no longer want them, the adventure begins once you confirm that you want that item of furniture and then must figure out how to move it from one side of the island to the other and up the stairs to your place. We experienced this quite vividly today. After confirming we wanted a free 36 inch TV, we rented a car for an hour to go fetch it. When Julie and I arrived, the first thing the guy said was, "I don't think you brought enough people." When we saw the TV, we understood. It was MASSIVE. The super-nice couple's son was there to help us down to the truck, but when we arrived at our apartment building's door, we were on our own. Naturally, Amy was not picking up her phone (picks the best times to jump in the shower, doesn't she?), so Julie and heaved, lunged, pushed, and pulled the huge thing through the initial doors so that it was in the first level hallway. Then Julie had to run off to return the rented car in time. For a moment I felt quite helpless, but then Amy came dashing down the stairs, a wide grin across her face. I felt helped- until we tried to lift the TV. It wasn't happening. So, we pushed it all the way down the hallway to the edge of the stairs, frequently moving out of the way of our sympathetic fellow tenants. At last we reached the stairs.
We lifted. It didn't move. We got it up one step. We tried to start again. It wasn't happening. A nice neighbor from some foreign country who knows where joined in the effort and he and I started up the suddenly incredibly steep stairs. The result was that I got five steps up before he'd stepped up the first, so my body was bent in half clutching this TV as this perfect stranger heaved with all his might. It dropped onto my foot and into the hands of Mr. Nice Neighbor and somehow we (literally) wrestled it back down to the ground floor, Amy laughing uncontrollably at the whole ordeal. After that we just kinda stared at the monster- What could be said? We'd been defeated.
Long story short, the TV is still sitting on the ground floor of our apartment. Schemes have been drawn and re-drawn as to how we can manage to get it up here, but... I think it may be a lost cause. Craigslist, here comes a big 36 inch!
School is more challenging than ever. The impersonation of Elvis was quite an experience; the idea behind the assignment was embodiment over impersonation (channeling, if you will), and,in a way that's really quite impossible to explain, I really got it. I wasn't impersonating Elvis, I was Elvis. We won't get too into that wierdo acting stuff, though. It's enough to say that my Elvis was good enough that it even excited the lesbians in my class. Speaking of Acting, in that class we had what I found to be a very fascinating assignment where we set up our bedroom in the classroom, came in from somewhere, had something we had to do in our room, had somewhere we had to go, and had an important, urgent phone call to make based on something from our real lives. I was one of the last to go, but I gotta say I was proud of how I did. I was a little nervous going into it because I decided from the get go that I was gonna give everything in Acting class my all this semester, and it was a personal exercise. But it paid off. I felt fulfilled, I expressed, I went to real places within myself. The teacher was pretty impressed too; she made an example out of my phone call as what to do for this exercise.
I'm a blessed boy, that's for sure. I've been given so much that I don't deserve; family, opportunity, gifts, friends, love. Salvation. Peace. Even when things aren't at their best, I'm never able to really let myself feel self-pity or despair for more than a minute. And I'll be honest, things haven't been their easiest lately. New things are always tough for me. I always feel like I have trouble befriending new people, becoming comfortable with people and circumstances, giving a good first impression. I'm really a pretty insecure fellow. So I hand it over to the big G-O-D and let him take over. And I trust he'll handle it perfectly. He always does. In the meantime I give my best effort each day to be as friendly, happy-go-lucky, and fun as I can be.
There's at least one big improvement over last semester: I come home every day to my sisters waiting at home for me. We find plenty of shenanigans to get into all on our own, whether it be random dance-offs in our still-empty living room or running to Times Square at midnight just for the heck of it. I would also like to take this space to share something really awesome: Elizabeth Victoria Joblin recently made the decision to leave her current schooling at SFA to spend this semester getting an Associate's degree at TVCC and next semester working and saving up. She did this so she would be able to spend the semester following living in a big city with me, both of us pursuing our dreams together. It's an incredibly brave thing, and flipping exciting. I can't wait to spend a year tearing up the entertainment industry with my best friend. :)
My sisters moved up here with me- I infected them with some of that New York City crazy! We've got a lovely little apartment right on the edge of Harlem, surrounded by the projects. We like it! Some of my friends have been a bit nervous to come up here. They'll come around though. I will say that for the first week we were here, a line of about sixteen cops pulled up across the street every night and just sat there, I guess just to remind everyone that law enforcement does in fact exist in Harlem. It was quite strange, and the sisters and I were quite tempted to run down and demand to know what they were doing. But we thought that might give off some unintended signals.
For those of you who don't know, cheaply furnishing an apartment in NYC is quite an experience. Especially if you live on the 4th floor of a walk-up. Although there are wonderful things to be had for free from people all over the city who no longer want them, the adventure begins once you confirm that you want that item of furniture and then must figure out how to move it from one side of the island to the other and up the stairs to your place. We experienced this quite vividly today. After confirming we wanted a free 36 inch TV, we rented a car for an hour to go fetch it. When Julie and I arrived, the first thing the guy said was, "I don't think you brought enough people." When we saw the TV, we understood. It was MASSIVE. The super-nice couple's son was there to help us down to the truck, but when we arrived at our apartment building's door, we were on our own. Naturally, Amy was not picking up her phone (picks the best times to jump in the shower, doesn't she?), so Julie and heaved, lunged, pushed, and pulled the huge thing through the initial doors so that it was in the first level hallway. Then Julie had to run off to return the rented car in time. For a moment I felt quite helpless, but then Amy came dashing down the stairs, a wide grin across her face. I felt helped- until we tried to lift the TV. It wasn't happening. So, we pushed it all the way down the hallway to the edge of the stairs, frequently moving out of the way of our sympathetic fellow tenants. At last we reached the stairs.
We lifted. It didn't move. We got it up one step. We tried to start again. It wasn't happening. A nice neighbor from some foreign country who knows where joined in the effort and he and I started up the suddenly incredibly steep stairs. The result was that I got five steps up before he'd stepped up the first, so my body was bent in half clutching this TV as this perfect stranger heaved with all his might. It dropped onto my foot and into the hands of Mr. Nice Neighbor and somehow we (literally) wrestled it back down to the ground floor, Amy laughing uncontrollably at the whole ordeal. After that we just kinda stared at the monster- What could be said? We'd been defeated.
Long story short, the TV is still sitting on the ground floor of our apartment. Schemes have been drawn and re-drawn as to how we can manage to get it up here, but... I think it may be a lost cause. Craigslist, here comes a big 36 inch!
School is more challenging than ever. The impersonation of Elvis was quite an experience; the idea behind the assignment was embodiment over impersonation (channeling, if you will), and,in a way that's really quite impossible to explain, I really got it. I wasn't impersonating Elvis, I was Elvis. We won't get too into that wierdo acting stuff, though. It's enough to say that my Elvis was good enough that it even excited the lesbians in my class. Speaking of Acting, in that class we had what I found to be a very fascinating assignment where we set up our bedroom in the classroom, came in from somewhere, had something we had to do in our room, had somewhere we had to go, and had an important, urgent phone call to make based on something from our real lives. I was one of the last to go, but I gotta say I was proud of how I did. I was a little nervous going into it because I decided from the get go that I was gonna give everything in Acting class my all this semester, and it was a personal exercise. But it paid off. I felt fulfilled, I expressed, I went to real places within myself. The teacher was pretty impressed too; she made an example out of my phone call as what to do for this exercise.
I'm a blessed boy, that's for sure. I've been given so much that I don't deserve; family, opportunity, gifts, friends, love. Salvation. Peace. Even when things aren't at their best, I'm never able to really let myself feel self-pity or despair for more than a minute. And I'll be honest, things haven't been their easiest lately. New things are always tough for me. I always feel like I have trouble befriending new people, becoming comfortable with people and circumstances, giving a good first impression. I'm really a pretty insecure fellow. So I hand it over to the big G-O-D and let him take over. And I trust he'll handle it perfectly. He always does. In the meantime I give my best effort each day to be as friendly, happy-go-lucky, and fun as I can be.
There's at least one big improvement over last semester: I come home every day to my sisters waiting at home for me. We find plenty of shenanigans to get into all on our own, whether it be random dance-offs in our still-empty living room or running to Times Square at midnight just for the heck of it. I would also like to take this space to share something really awesome: Elizabeth Victoria Joblin recently made the decision to leave her current schooling at SFA to spend this semester getting an Associate's degree at TVCC and next semester working and saving up. She did this so she would be able to spend the semester following living in a big city with me, both of us pursuing our dreams together. It's an incredibly brave thing, and flipping exciting. I can't wait to spend a year tearing up the entertainment industry with my best friend. :)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Semester, New Apartment, New York
It's been a loooong time! I've finished a semester, gone home, and come back since last we met, dear blog! I guess life's been a little hectic lately. With the end of the first semester, I decided more than ever to devote myself completely to my schoolwork. That meant Final Scenes for Acting, Dance presentations for Movement, Written Exams (Yes, we do actually take those!), and so much more. It's hard to really explain I guess... Giving yourself over to performance work is tiring. Just day-to-day takes a lot out of you. Most people don't let themselves go through that much emotion on a daily basis. Lucky for me, it's what I love to do.
On top of all that I was apartment hunting via appointments set up for me by my sisters in Texas! I suppose it's time to come clean to everybody; I got swindled by my "broker" the first time around looking for an apartment. It wouldn't be such an embarrassing thing (It can always be viewed as a learning experience), except that I lost more than my pride: I lost $250 in the mix. Everybody sigh! But the sun will still come out! I continued to apartment hunt up until the very last minute (literally) before I flew home, eventually resulting in the night before my flight me and my friend Jake going to my new broker's office door at 2 in the morning and slipping applications and checks under her door in a sealed envelope. And then I had to start packing! But indeed I found a lovely three bedroom apartment for me and my two sisters to live in on 104th and 1st Ave. Yes... That is traditionally considered Harlem, but take a breath Grandma. I checked out the neighborhood. Only four homicides last year my cop ex-roommate says (That's a good number! Midtown has like 36!). I have been living there for a week and experienced nothing but being unnoticed by anyone around me. Except for one old guy who really wanted to be my friend when he saw me walking home with a big pizza for dinner.
Naturally, my first semester in New York City ended with me sprinting to my gate at JFK airport and almost missing my flight, and in the air becoming increasingly and increasingly more sick to the point that when I met my cousin Meredith picking me up she jumped when she heard me speak. On the flight, I made a new fan. My flight attendant (who was the best flight attendant in the world), greeted me as I entered the plane by asking what I did for work. Upon learning I was an actor and attending school she quickly informed that I needed to stick with it because I had a great demeanor and was going to make it. She continued to chat me up trhoughout the flight, offering genuinely thoughtful and encouraging advice, and then finished the ride home with a big armful of free snacks and a hug. It only occurred to me later that I should have told her about this blog- I need to start carrying cards!
Sickness or not, being home was amazing. A little weird at first, I won't lie; especially when it was almost 90 degrees the day after I got back to Texas. I have not experienced that kind of heat in awhile. I got to see my Kemp/Athens friends, housing provided by the amazing Joblin family. I left Kemp much too quickly, to be truthful. Of course, you know me. I can't really be disappointed with more time with family. I'm pretty much obsessed with my family. Still. Kemp will always be home for me, and I miss it.
After spending Christmas weekend at my Nana and Pops's house in Texas, the Addisons loaded all our stuff (and our dogs) into our faithful suburban and headed to Estes Park, Colorado. If Texas was hot, Estes was COLD. Man, I've never known such temperatures! -2 degrees most days at our house! It was bad enough staying mostly inside- Matt was out there skiing three of those days! Family Christmas was amazing! Santa Claus outdid himself this year, y'all. I don't know that I remember I more fun Christmas morning (and it didn't even happen on the real day!).
And then before I knew what was happening, it was time to fly home. In a rush, my bags were packed, my goodbyes were said, and I was on a plane. Both my flights were majorly delayed, yet before I had time to really think I was back in New York City wandering around the airport completely unaware of where I was supposed to be picking up my bag from. Every time I leave my family for New York it's hard, but it really hit me this time. It didn't really make sense to me that I would leave behind all of that love, all of that easy, comfortable living for day-to-day work, alone... Why would I do that?
It was somewhere between Minneappolis and NYC at about 30,000 feet in the air that I realized that it's because I wasn't made for a normal life. God made me different- that's for sure! He made me special, with a special, unique purpose. I believe that with all my heart. So even when it's a little uncomfortable, I give myself over to Him. I know He'll take me where I need to be. My openness has a limit, but I'll just say that if I can't believe that God can do miraculous things after some news I received over the break, then I have no faith at all. I mean, just looking around me at all the things I've been able to do in my life shows what God's capable of!
So, I'm back. I'm almost finished with the first week of Second Semester, and it's gonna kick my butt. There is A LOT of work to be done this semester for every class. Tomorrow I will be impersonating Elvis Presley in my Styles class, reuniting with all my Section 7 buddies at Vivian's new apartment, and picking up my sisters from the airport. New York City daily rush is in full swing again!
There's just one more thing. Talking to people over the break who have been reading my blog, there was one main thing that stuck out to almost everyone who'd read it. They all spoke of it's optimistic, joyous tone; overflowing with happiness, as one put it. We all know that life on a daily basis is not the most wonderful, perfect, incredible experience ever. But that's what I write about. And it's no accident. The way I see it, there are two ways to look at life: up or down. Certainly, I could find things almost every day to be upset about. And I could worry about those things, write about them, let them affect me fully (this is what they LOOOVE at AADA). Or I could not bother with those things. I could see the other stuff. The daily things that fill me with contentment, whether it's as small as snow flake landing on my hand or as big as someone telling me that they love me, and meaning it.
I choose optimism. I choose contentment. I choose that half-full glass as many times as I possibly can. It's not always easy (or possible), but I have help from a pretty amazing, undying source. And if I can spread some of that optimism through this blog, then it's doing it's job. I hope your life is going wonderfully for you right now. And if your first thought is that it's not, take a moment, look around, and see if you can find something that can make it just a little brighter. I bet you a million dollars that you can.
That's all for now.
On top of all that I was apartment hunting via appointments set up for me by my sisters in Texas! I suppose it's time to come clean to everybody; I got swindled by my "broker" the first time around looking for an apartment. It wouldn't be such an embarrassing thing (It can always be viewed as a learning experience), except that I lost more than my pride: I lost $250 in the mix. Everybody sigh! But the sun will still come out! I continued to apartment hunt up until the very last minute (literally) before I flew home, eventually resulting in the night before my flight me and my friend Jake going to my new broker's office door at 2 in the morning and slipping applications and checks under her door in a sealed envelope. And then I had to start packing! But indeed I found a lovely three bedroom apartment for me and my two sisters to live in on 104th and 1st Ave. Yes... That is traditionally considered Harlem, but take a breath Grandma. I checked out the neighborhood. Only four homicides last year my cop ex-roommate says (That's a good number! Midtown has like 36!). I have been living there for a week and experienced nothing but being unnoticed by anyone around me. Except for one old guy who really wanted to be my friend when he saw me walking home with a big pizza for dinner.
Naturally, my first semester in New York City ended with me sprinting to my gate at JFK airport and almost missing my flight, and in the air becoming increasingly and increasingly more sick to the point that when I met my cousin Meredith picking me up she jumped when she heard me speak. On the flight, I made a new fan. My flight attendant (who was the best flight attendant in the world), greeted me as I entered the plane by asking what I did for work. Upon learning I was an actor and attending school she quickly informed that I needed to stick with it because I had a great demeanor and was going to make it. She continued to chat me up trhoughout the flight, offering genuinely thoughtful and encouraging advice, and then finished the ride home with a big armful of free snacks and a hug. It only occurred to me later that I should have told her about this blog- I need to start carrying cards!
Sickness or not, being home was amazing. A little weird at first, I won't lie; especially when it was almost 90 degrees the day after I got back to Texas. I have not experienced that kind of heat in awhile. I got to see my Kemp/Athens friends, housing provided by the amazing Joblin family. I left Kemp much too quickly, to be truthful. Of course, you know me. I can't really be disappointed with more time with family. I'm pretty much obsessed with my family. Still. Kemp will always be home for me, and I miss it.
After spending Christmas weekend at my Nana and Pops's house in Texas, the Addisons loaded all our stuff (and our dogs) into our faithful suburban and headed to Estes Park, Colorado. If Texas was hot, Estes was COLD. Man, I've never known such temperatures! -2 degrees most days at our house! It was bad enough staying mostly inside- Matt was out there skiing three of those days! Family Christmas was amazing! Santa Claus outdid himself this year, y'all. I don't know that I remember I more fun Christmas morning (and it didn't even happen on the real day!).
And then before I knew what was happening, it was time to fly home. In a rush, my bags were packed, my goodbyes were said, and I was on a plane. Both my flights were majorly delayed, yet before I had time to really think I was back in New York City wandering around the airport completely unaware of where I was supposed to be picking up my bag from. Every time I leave my family for New York it's hard, but it really hit me this time. It didn't really make sense to me that I would leave behind all of that love, all of that easy, comfortable living for day-to-day work, alone... Why would I do that?
It was somewhere between Minneappolis and NYC at about 30,000 feet in the air that I realized that it's because I wasn't made for a normal life. God made me different- that's for sure! He made me special, with a special, unique purpose. I believe that with all my heart. So even when it's a little uncomfortable, I give myself over to Him. I know He'll take me where I need to be. My openness has a limit, but I'll just say that if I can't believe that God can do miraculous things after some news I received over the break, then I have no faith at all. I mean, just looking around me at all the things I've been able to do in my life shows what God's capable of!
So, I'm back. I'm almost finished with the first week of Second Semester, and it's gonna kick my butt. There is A LOT of work to be done this semester for every class. Tomorrow I will be impersonating Elvis Presley in my Styles class, reuniting with all my Section 7 buddies at Vivian's new apartment, and picking up my sisters from the airport. New York City daily rush is in full swing again!
There's just one more thing. Talking to people over the break who have been reading my blog, there was one main thing that stuck out to almost everyone who'd read it. They all spoke of it's optimistic, joyous tone; overflowing with happiness, as one put it. We all know that life on a daily basis is not the most wonderful, perfect, incredible experience ever. But that's what I write about. And it's no accident. The way I see it, there are two ways to look at life: up or down. Certainly, I could find things almost every day to be upset about. And I could worry about those things, write about them, let them affect me fully (this is what they LOOOVE at AADA). Or I could not bother with those things. I could see the other stuff. The daily things that fill me with contentment, whether it's as small as snow flake landing on my hand or as big as someone telling me that they love me, and meaning it.
I choose optimism. I choose contentment. I choose that half-full glass as many times as I possibly can. It's not always easy (or possible), but I have help from a pretty amazing, undying source. And if I can spread some of that optimism through this blog, then it's doing it's job. I hope your life is going wonderfully for you right now. And if your first thought is that it's not, take a moment, look around, and see if you can find something that can make it just a little brighter. I bet you a million dollars that you can.
That's all for now.
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