Blerg! La Realite`

The other day I was riding the subway to work. It was kind of crowded, typical NYC day, my headphones in. A man came on with a janky speaker and a cordless mic. When they’ve got their whole sound system going on there’s really no point in trying to resist, so I took my headphones off and listened. He talked for a little bit, saying that the only payment he really required was smiles, blah, blah, blah. Then he started singing, various styles, ‘transporting us to different faraway destinations’. And he got the entire subway car smiling and laughing. And it was beautiful. And one of those moments that I feel you could hardly experience anywhere else. I love those.

It’s been a long time since I've written anything on here. I sort of got to a point last summer where I grew tired of just writing about myself, so I quit. The last few days something’s been telling me to share again, so here I go.

My theater company, The Survivalists, produced our first full-length show to sold-out crowds and made a lot of money. Much more importantly I can honestly say we put on a thoroughly entertaining show. It was one of the most stressful and most satisfying experiences of my life. For those interested, we’re currently developing a new play-reading series called Origins, which should be debuting by the end of the month.

There have been a lot of changes. Both of my sisters moved away from the city, leaving me without family in the city for the first time in two years. I moved out of my Spanish Harlem apartment, and after a brief stint in Bushwick (let’s just not talk about it), I’ve settled into Washington Heights, in a stunningly beautiful, uncrowded, somehow rather unknown corner of upper Manhattan that inspired my friend Liz Joblin to proclaim upon first viewing it: ‘What is this undiscovered paradise?!’ Speaking of my best friend Liz Joblin… She moved away, too. It’s been a time of real change for me.

I also very unexpectedly lost my job at David’s Tea. I will say, with pride, that I managed to procure another job within 4 hours, thankyouverymuchandsuckitDT, though I didn’t stick with it. I’m currently settling into two new gigs, working for Mary Helen Bowers and her company Ballet Beautiful in the mornings, and taking care of two boys in the afternoons.

But don’t get me wrong. August was not an easy month. For those of you who don’t know, I was dating someone for the first time in years, and it was wonderful and painful and confusing and new and exciting, and now it’s over

But you know, today I got recognized on the street by a stranger for the last show I did with The Survivalists. I worked two unique, interesting, well-paying jobs. I came home and got off the train and went to the grocery store, and then strolled home through my neighborhood that I love to my apartment that I adore. I have two wonderful, kind, giving roommates. I have a loving family that was kept safe through this crazy flooding (Seriously, what was up with that?). I’m a pretty blessed boy. That’s what I realized tonight.


If there is one thing that I would say I've learned from my life thus far, it's that the goal of each day should be to spread love in some way. (And I didn't even mean for that to rhyme, but suck it, it did.) It never fails to amaze and move me how you can literally watch a change come over people, both strangers and friends, when you share simple kindness with them. It's like a light begins to burn up inside them. I know I've been grateful many a time for people who have shared that with me. I make it my goal to share that with others every single day. In many ways, it's become the goal of my life.

That is a broad goal, though. More specifically, I really have no idea what I'm doing. In the past month, it has frequently felt like my entire life has fallen apart, that nothing is certain anymore, that I don't know where I'm going, blah blah blah blah blah. In a nutshell, I've been acting like a 21-year-old. 

Life is about ups and downs, good and bad, high and low, happy and sad. All of it, every little bit, is what makes life worth living. Without the hard times, the good times wouldn't seem nearly so good. I look back at some of the most stressful or anxious times in my life and I can see how they formed me, and feel no resentment. And those moments of clarity when I can look at it all, see my existence for what it is, see the beauty of it, and love it for what it is; those are the best moments.