It's not been for lack of interesting things happening. I
don't want to overexcite my legion of faithful fans (You guys exist, right?),
but I seem to be in the most successful phase of my life thus far.
I recently participated in a second Cranky Cabaret, an
always-fun, tune-filled, open bar evening. It was both successful and a bit of
a train wreck. The first night I went up to sing my first song, the
not-funny-at-all Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt, and the accompanist
and I were not in the same key. It was really neither of our fault- We weren't
given enough time to practice beforehand, we hadn't communicated well on how
she was going to do the intro. It was one of those mortifying,
nothing-you-can-do-but-keep-going moments, and I kinda wanted to kill myself. I
pulled myself together and did my much-funnier duet with the fabulous Lauren
Green famously, and then when my second solo at the end of Act 2 came, I went
up with a plan. My song, the modern classic Bust Your Windows, needed an
introduction: I was a white guy singing a black girl's revenge anthem. So I
explained that when bad things happen to me, my inner strong black woman
emerges. I began to list examples: 'Your boss is an asshole. A bitch on the
subway. You start singing your song in the wrong key at Cranky Cabaret and have
to redeem yourself with your second song. You know, hypothetical situations.'
And with that, I had the audience back on my side. They laughed and applauded.
Afterward several people complimented me on handling the situation absolutely
perfectly. The simple fact was that I couldn't just ignore it. The next night
the Cabaret as a whole went pretty much perfectly, but while it still mortifies
me, I'm able to look back and see the good of completely botching a song: It
showed me that 1) Even when I totally bomb, I can keep going and do a good job,
and 2) People always respond best to honesty. The acknowledgement of my failure
and my intentions to recover from it was the perfect first step in winning the
crowd back. It sounds much less significant when written here, but I think it
was actually one of the best things I've learned since moving to the city.
I also just participated in a short play that was part of
the Take Ten festival, executive produced by my friend Graydon Gund. Grady is
always reliable for a unique, whirlwind rehearsal process. We didn't win, but
it was so good to get back in front of an audience again.
And finally, The Survivalists. My theatre company is legit,
you guys. Our grassroots fundraising campaign is coming to fruition in ways we
only hoped for. We're producing an absolutely fantastic new show called 3x3, or
9 after 9 by Shane Breaux, Kevin Brewer, and Michael Christopher, and we just
finished initial auditions with over 600 submissions with callbacks set for
Tuesday. We're in the process of signing a contract with a publicist who
reached out to us personally. And last Thursday we threw an unbelievably
successful launch party/fundraiser where we raised over $1000 and took over an
UES bar and had one of the most fun nights of my life. For those who haven't
been following this as it unfolds (What are you doing with your life??), our
show bows the first two weeks of June at the Access Theatre downtown. Follow us
on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/theatreofthefittest), Twitter (I'm in charge of it! @survivalistsnyc), and our website (http://thesurvivalists.org/). We're the real
deal, y'all.
It's been a busy, stressful, exciting time. I hope it stays
that way. I have so much more I want to do. I'm desperate to make a webseries
or movie or SOMETHING (seriously, anyone interested, let me know). I plan to
start a youtube channel soon for music. I'm so ready to start taking classes
again. Anything, just to keep moving.
Because sitting still lends itself to self-examination and
over-thinking, and those things rarely lead to good things. Despite all the
good that's going on, in the quiet times I still find myself wondering when
I'll ever get my life together. There's so much about myself I still don't
understand, or am uncomfortable with. I'm frequently tempted to make a list of
all the things I'd like to change about myself. I still may, but only under the strict agreement with myself
that I will balance it with a list of things about myself that I love.
I'm sure some people would say that staying busy for the
sake of avoiding deeper problems is not really healthy, but I would counter
that with an opposite theory: If your work and activity become your whole life,
don't the other problems start becoming much smaller issues than they
previously were? Still. I will always continue to try and transform myself into
a better, more complete person. Lately I've been wondering: When will I stop
imagining the fabulous life I'm going to live and start actually living it? I'm
tired of wishing I'd gone to things, of making up excuses to stay in, or
passing up opportunities. I'm tired of wishing I could lose that weight. I'm
tired of wishing I would do more worthwhile things with my time.
Which brings me to this blog. I'm undecided as to what it
should become. Simply talking about my life has started to seem a little dull
to me, and perhaps a bit self-serving (though always remarkably therapeutic). I
will continue to update my faithful friends and family on exciting things in my
life, but I'd like to write about something a little bit more than that. I'm
not sure what that means just yet.
I'm so grateful for the opportunities that have been given
to me lately. I'm so thankful for the people in my life who have supported me
and mean so much to me (I hope you know who you are). I feel confident that I'm
where I'm supposed to be for the first time in a long time, and that's possibly
the greatest gift God could give me.
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