What can I tell you? School is amazing as of late. Literally every day, every class there is something to be learned, some way to benefit. It has changed from last semester. There's a lot more to do in every class (an overwhelming amount of work sometimes), from improvs to sketch comedy to choreography assignments to transcription exercises, but more than that it has to do with a simple truth: If you devote yourself to something, you will benefit. It took me awhile to realize that last semester, but this semester I returned to school knowing without a doubt that I was there for one purpose: to learn. And learn I have. It's incredible how much the past three weeks of school has benefited me. The other side of that, however, is that I'm 'bout spent at the end of each day. Believe it or not, it takes a lot out of you to give yourself over to performance, even just class exercises. It's all worth it, though; I can feel myself improving and it's an amazing feeling.
I would be remiss if I didn't admit that being so focused took some of my focus away from that other part of my life I work so hard at: my optimistic, happy-go-lucky, and kindness to others mantra. The past three weeks have been a wake up call to me in that aspect. Rather than noticing a good attitude about me, people began to notice a somewhat judgemental attitude, and an occasionally less-than-joyous mood. It's the state I most naturally fall back into, but it's the state that I refuse to be snared by. It hurts me when I hear those things from people- I want people to notice a light about me, a peace that can be explained by nothing besides God. JJ Moore used to tell a story about a young boy sitting in Sunday School listening to the teacher talk about God being inside of you. He raised his hand: "Teacher, isn't God huge? If he's inside of us, won't he poke out all over?"
I sure hope so. I pray that he would fill me up and poke out all over.
I'm working on it, forever. Haha. I can't be perfectly good every day, and every day can't be perfectly good. But I can have peace every day. And every day I can try to reflect that peace as best as I can. Living with family again has made it glaringly obvious how much they put up with from me, attitude-wise. Attempting to be perky each day in public has turned me into someone with the bad habit of letting my family always see my worst side. They don't deserve that. They deserve better than the public gets. Recognizing my laziness attitude-wise with Amy and Julie has been a tough thing to come to terms with. But I am. And I'm working on it. Because not only does my family deserve it, so does the One who made me.
Laziness. That word has a lot of resonance with me lately. In Acting last week, I had to do another phone call exercise (I think I explained those earlier? Important phone call, important task in room, somewhere to go urgently.), and I blew it off until the morning before class. When I got to class I had an idea to go with: Mom had called and left a message on my phone that my dog had run away, and I was calling back and finding out they'd been found. But then out of nowhere came something else. Something similar to what I'd planned, but much stronger. My dogs hadn't gone missing. Sam had. My little brother. For over 10 hours. I was calling back and finding out he'd been found with a broken leg. Suddenly it was my turn to go. And I went. And it was pretty fantastic. The emotions were there, the technique was there, the honesty, the connection. It pretty well shocked my classmates. After I finished, the teacher followed me out into the hallway and took my face in her hands and said words I'll never forget: "James. Almost. Had you gone one more step, taken one more breath, it would have been amazing. Very good work." She went on to guess that I hadn't practiced. "You have got to get out of your own way. Your laziness is holding you back from expressing something truly amazing to us. I beg you. Don't be lazy. Get out of your own way."
And she's right, of course. This sentiment has been shared by almost every teacher: There's something very special inside of me. But I need to go one step further. Then there'd be something phenomenal. It's an encouraging thought, but it's also scary. What will that be if I go one step further? Where will it take me? It gives me chills thinking about it. But I've got to do it. It's what I was made for. I believe that.
We managed to maneuver a full-size couch and a ridiculously oversized TV into our 4th floor apartment with much difficulty and even more hilarity. Twice we employed the help of kind fellow tenants, once with nearly disastrous effects. But it's in now, baby! WE CONQUERED! And the mysterious long line of cops sitting outside our building has returned, making life truly complete once again.
Life is good. God is good. Always. It's not perfect. But it's a work in progress.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Getting Back to Blogging!
Okay, first good thing about my sisters being here: They're on my case about updating the blog- I've been getting lazy! It's certainly not from lack of delightful and bizarre New York occurrences. There have been plenty of those.
My sisters moved up here with me- I infected them with some of that New York City crazy! We've got a lovely little apartment right on the edge of Harlem, surrounded by the projects. We like it! Some of my friends have been a bit nervous to come up here. They'll come around though. I will say that for the first week we were here, a line of about sixteen cops pulled up across the street every night and just sat there, I guess just to remind everyone that law enforcement does in fact exist in Harlem. It was quite strange, and the sisters and I were quite tempted to run down and demand to know what they were doing. But we thought that might give off some unintended signals.
For those of you who don't know, cheaply furnishing an apartment in NYC is quite an experience. Especially if you live on the 4th floor of a walk-up. Although there are wonderful things to be had for free from people all over the city who no longer want them, the adventure begins once you confirm that you want that item of furniture and then must figure out how to move it from one side of the island to the other and up the stairs to your place. We experienced this quite vividly today. After confirming we wanted a free 36 inch TV, we rented a car for an hour to go fetch it. When Julie and I arrived, the first thing the guy said was, "I don't think you brought enough people." When we saw the TV, we understood. It was MASSIVE. The super-nice couple's son was there to help us down to the truck, but when we arrived at our apartment building's door, we were on our own. Naturally, Amy was not picking up her phone (picks the best times to jump in the shower, doesn't she?), so Julie and heaved, lunged, pushed, and pulled the huge thing through the initial doors so that it was in the first level hallway. Then Julie had to run off to return the rented car in time. For a moment I felt quite helpless, but then Amy came dashing down the stairs, a wide grin across her face. I felt helped- until we tried to lift the TV. It wasn't happening. So, we pushed it all the way down the hallway to the edge of the stairs, frequently moving out of the way of our sympathetic fellow tenants. At last we reached the stairs.
We lifted. It didn't move. We got it up one step. We tried to start again. It wasn't happening. A nice neighbor from some foreign country who knows where joined in the effort and he and I started up the suddenly incredibly steep stairs. The result was that I got five steps up before he'd stepped up the first, so my body was bent in half clutching this TV as this perfect stranger heaved with all his might. It dropped onto my foot and into the hands of Mr. Nice Neighbor and somehow we (literally) wrestled it back down to the ground floor, Amy laughing uncontrollably at the whole ordeal. After that we just kinda stared at the monster- What could be said? We'd been defeated.
Long story short, the TV is still sitting on the ground floor of our apartment. Schemes have been drawn and re-drawn as to how we can manage to get it up here, but... I think it may be a lost cause. Craigslist, here comes a big 36 inch!
School is more challenging than ever. The impersonation of Elvis was quite an experience; the idea behind the assignment was embodiment over impersonation (channeling, if you will), and,in a way that's really quite impossible to explain, I really got it. I wasn't impersonating Elvis, I was Elvis. We won't get too into that wierdo acting stuff, though. It's enough to say that my Elvis was good enough that it even excited the lesbians in my class. Speaking of Acting, in that class we had what I found to be a very fascinating assignment where we set up our bedroom in the classroom, came in from somewhere, had something we had to do in our room, had somewhere we had to go, and had an important, urgent phone call to make based on something from our real lives. I was one of the last to go, but I gotta say I was proud of how I did. I was a little nervous going into it because I decided from the get go that I was gonna give everything in Acting class my all this semester, and it was a personal exercise. But it paid off. I felt fulfilled, I expressed, I went to real places within myself. The teacher was pretty impressed too; she made an example out of my phone call as what to do for this exercise.
I'm a blessed boy, that's for sure. I've been given so much that I don't deserve; family, opportunity, gifts, friends, love. Salvation. Peace. Even when things aren't at their best, I'm never able to really let myself feel self-pity or despair for more than a minute. And I'll be honest, things haven't been their easiest lately. New things are always tough for me. I always feel like I have trouble befriending new people, becoming comfortable with people and circumstances, giving a good first impression. I'm really a pretty insecure fellow. So I hand it over to the big G-O-D and let him take over. And I trust he'll handle it perfectly. He always does. In the meantime I give my best effort each day to be as friendly, happy-go-lucky, and fun as I can be.
There's at least one big improvement over last semester: I come home every day to my sisters waiting at home for me. We find plenty of shenanigans to get into all on our own, whether it be random dance-offs in our still-empty living room or running to Times Square at midnight just for the heck of it. I would also like to take this space to share something really awesome: Elizabeth Victoria Joblin recently made the decision to leave her current schooling at SFA to spend this semester getting an Associate's degree at TVCC and next semester working and saving up. She did this so she would be able to spend the semester following living in a big city with me, both of us pursuing our dreams together. It's an incredibly brave thing, and flipping exciting. I can't wait to spend a year tearing up the entertainment industry with my best friend. :)
My sisters moved up here with me- I infected them with some of that New York City crazy! We've got a lovely little apartment right on the edge of Harlem, surrounded by the projects. We like it! Some of my friends have been a bit nervous to come up here. They'll come around though. I will say that for the first week we were here, a line of about sixteen cops pulled up across the street every night and just sat there, I guess just to remind everyone that law enforcement does in fact exist in Harlem. It was quite strange, and the sisters and I were quite tempted to run down and demand to know what they were doing. But we thought that might give off some unintended signals.
For those of you who don't know, cheaply furnishing an apartment in NYC is quite an experience. Especially if you live on the 4th floor of a walk-up. Although there are wonderful things to be had for free from people all over the city who no longer want them, the adventure begins once you confirm that you want that item of furniture and then must figure out how to move it from one side of the island to the other and up the stairs to your place. We experienced this quite vividly today. After confirming we wanted a free 36 inch TV, we rented a car for an hour to go fetch it. When Julie and I arrived, the first thing the guy said was, "I don't think you brought enough people." When we saw the TV, we understood. It was MASSIVE. The super-nice couple's son was there to help us down to the truck, but when we arrived at our apartment building's door, we were on our own. Naturally, Amy was not picking up her phone (picks the best times to jump in the shower, doesn't she?), so Julie and heaved, lunged, pushed, and pulled the huge thing through the initial doors so that it was in the first level hallway. Then Julie had to run off to return the rented car in time. For a moment I felt quite helpless, but then Amy came dashing down the stairs, a wide grin across her face. I felt helped- until we tried to lift the TV. It wasn't happening. So, we pushed it all the way down the hallway to the edge of the stairs, frequently moving out of the way of our sympathetic fellow tenants. At last we reached the stairs.
We lifted. It didn't move. We got it up one step. We tried to start again. It wasn't happening. A nice neighbor from some foreign country who knows where joined in the effort and he and I started up the suddenly incredibly steep stairs. The result was that I got five steps up before he'd stepped up the first, so my body was bent in half clutching this TV as this perfect stranger heaved with all his might. It dropped onto my foot and into the hands of Mr. Nice Neighbor and somehow we (literally) wrestled it back down to the ground floor, Amy laughing uncontrollably at the whole ordeal. After that we just kinda stared at the monster- What could be said? We'd been defeated.
Long story short, the TV is still sitting on the ground floor of our apartment. Schemes have been drawn and re-drawn as to how we can manage to get it up here, but... I think it may be a lost cause. Craigslist, here comes a big 36 inch!
School is more challenging than ever. The impersonation of Elvis was quite an experience; the idea behind the assignment was embodiment over impersonation (channeling, if you will), and,in a way that's really quite impossible to explain, I really got it. I wasn't impersonating Elvis, I was Elvis. We won't get too into that wierdo acting stuff, though. It's enough to say that my Elvis was good enough that it even excited the lesbians in my class. Speaking of Acting, in that class we had what I found to be a very fascinating assignment where we set up our bedroom in the classroom, came in from somewhere, had something we had to do in our room, had somewhere we had to go, and had an important, urgent phone call to make based on something from our real lives. I was one of the last to go, but I gotta say I was proud of how I did. I was a little nervous going into it because I decided from the get go that I was gonna give everything in Acting class my all this semester, and it was a personal exercise. But it paid off. I felt fulfilled, I expressed, I went to real places within myself. The teacher was pretty impressed too; she made an example out of my phone call as what to do for this exercise.
I'm a blessed boy, that's for sure. I've been given so much that I don't deserve; family, opportunity, gifts, friends, love. Salvation. Peace. Even when things aren't at their best, I'm never able to really let myself feel self-pity or despair for more than a minute. And I'll be honest, things haven't been their easiest lately. New things are always tough for me. I always feel like I have trouble befriending new people, becoming comfortable with people and circumstances, giving a good first impression. I'm really a pretty insecure fellow. So I hand it over to the big G-O-D and let him take over. And I trust he'll handle it perfectly. He always does. In the meantime I give my best effort each day to be as friendly, happy-go-lucky, and fun as I can be.
There's at least one big improvement over last semester: I come home every day to my sisters waiting at home for me. We find plenty of shenanigans to get into all on our own, whether it be random dance-offs in our still-empty living room or running to Times Square at midnight just for the heck of it. I would also like to take this space to share something really awesome: Elizabeth Victoria Joblin recently made the decision to leave her current schooling at SFA to spend this semester getting an Associate's degree at TVCC and next semester working and saving up. She did this so she would be able to spend the semester following living in a big city with me, both of us pursuing our dreams together. It's an incredibly brave thing, and flipping exciting. I can't wait to spend a year tearing up the entertainment industry with my best friend. :)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Semester, New Apartment, New York
It's been a loooong time! I've finished a semester, gone home, and come back since last we met, dear blog! I guess life's been a little hectic lately. With the end of the first semester, I decided more than ever to devote myself completely to my schoolwork. That meant Final Scenes for Acting, Dance presentations for Movement, Written Exams (Yes, we do actually take those!), and so much more. It's hard to really explain I guess... Giving yourself over to performance work is tiring. Just day-to-day takes a lot out of you. Most people don't let themselves go through that much emotion on a daily basis. Lucky for me, it's what I love to do.
On top of all that I was apartment hunting via appointments set up for me by my sisters in Texas! I suppose it's time to come clean to everybody; I got swindled by my "broker" the first time around looking for an apartment. It wouldn't be such an embarrassing thing (It can always be viewed as a learning experience), except that I lost more than my pride: I lost $250 in the mix. Everybody sigh! But the sun will still come out! I continued to apartment hunt up until the very last minute (literally) before I flew home, eventually resulting in the night before my flight me and my friend Jake going to my new broker's office door at 2 in the morning and slipping applications and checks under her door in a sealed envelope. And then I had to start packing! But indeed I found a lovely three bedroom apartment for me and my two sisters to live in on 104th and 1st Ave. Yes... That is traditionally considered Harlem, but take a breath Grandma. I checked out the neighborhood. Only four homicides last year my cop ex-roommate says (That's a good number! Midtown has like 36!). I have been living there for a week and experienced nothing but being unnoticed by anyone around me. Except for one old guy who really wanted to be my friend when he saw me walking home with a big pizza for dinner.
Naturally, my first semester in New York City ended with me sprinting to my gate at JFK airport and almost missing my flight, and in the air becoming increasingly and increasingly more sick to the point that when I met my cousin Meredith picking me up she jumped when she heard me speak. On the flight, I made a new fan. My flight attendant (who was the best flight attendant in the world), greeted me as I entered the plane by asking what I did for work. Upon learning I was an actor and attending school she quickly informed that I needed to stick with it because I had a great demeanor and was going to make it. She continued to chat me up trhoughout the flight, offering genuinely thoughtful and encouraging advice, and then finished the ride home with a big armful of free snacks and a hug. It only occurred to me later that I should have told her about this blog- I need to start carrying cards!
Sickness or not, being home was amazing. A little weird at first, I won't lie; especially when it was almost 90 degrees the day after I got back to Texas. I have not experienced that kind of heat in awhile. I got to see my Kemp/Athens friends, housing provided by the amazing Joblin family. I left Kemp much too quickly, to be truthful. Of course, you know me. I can't really be disappointed with more time with family. I'm pretty much obsessed with my family. Still. Kemp will always be home for me, and I miss it.
After spending Christmas weekend at my Nana and Pops's house in Texas, the Addisons loaded all our stuff (and our dogs) into our faithful suburban and headed to Estes Park, Colorado. If Texas was hot, Estes was COLD. Man, I've never known such temperatures! -2 degrees most days at our house! It was bad enough staying mostly inside- Matt was out there skiing three of those days! Family Christmas was amazing! Santa Claus outdid himself this year, y'all. I don't know that I remember I more fun Christmas morning (and it didn't even happen on the real day!).
And then before I knew what was happening, it was time to fly home. In a rush, my bags were packed, my goodbyes were said, and I was on a plane. Both my flights were majorly delayed, yet before I had time to really think I was back in New York City wandering around the airport completely unaware of where I was supposed to be picking up my bag from. Every time I leave my family for New York it's hard, but it really hit me this time. It didn't really make sense to me that I would leave behind all of that love, all of that easy, comfortable living for day-to-day work, alone... Why would I do that?
It was somewhere between Minneappolis and NYC at about 30,000 feet in the air that I realized that it's because I wasn't made for a normal life. God made me different- that's for sure! He made me special, with a special, unique purpose. I believe that with all my heart. So even when it's a little uncomfortable, I give myself over to Him. I know He'll take me where I need to be. My openness has a limit, but I'll just say that if I can't believe that God can do miraculous things after some news I received over the break, then I have no faith at all. I mean, just looking around me at all the things I've been able to do in my life shows what God's capable of!
So, I'm back. I'm almost finished with the first week of Second Semester, and it's gonna kick my butt. There is A LOT of work to be done this semester for every class. Tomorrow I will be impersonating Elvis Presley in my Styles class, reuniting with all my Section 7 buddies at Vivian's new apartment, and picking up my sisters from the airport. New York City daily rush is in full swing again!
There's just one more thing. Talking to people over the break who have been reading my blog, there was one main thing that stuck out to almost everyone who'd read it. They all spoke of it's optimistic, joyous tone; overflowing with happiness, as one put it. We all know that life on a daily basis is not the most wonderful, perfect, incredible experience ever. But that's what I write about. And it's no accident. The way I see it, there are two ways to look at life: up or down. Certainly, I could find things almost every day to be upset about. And I could worry about those things, write about them, let them affect me fully (this is what they LOOOVE at AADA). Or I could not bother with those things. I could see the other stuff. The daily things that fill me with contentment, whether it's as small as snow flake landing on my hand or as big as someone telling me that they love me, and meaning it.
I choose optimism. I choose contentment. I choose that half-full glass as many times as I possibly can. It's not always easy (or possible), but I have help from a pretty amazing, undying source. And if I can spread some of that optimism through this blog, then it's doing it's job. I hope your life is going wonderfully for you right now. And if your first thought is that it's not, take a moment, look around, and see if you can find something that can make it just a little brighter. I bet you a million dollars that you can.
That's all for now.
On top of all that I was apartment hunting via appointments set up for me by my sisters in Texas! I suppose it's time to come clean to everybody; I got swindled by my "broker" the first time around looking for an apartment. It wouldn't be such an embarrassing thing (It can always be viewed as a learning experience), except that I lost more than my pride: I lost $250 in the mix. Everybody sigh! But the sun will still come out! I continued to apartment hunt up until the very last minute (literally) before I flew home, eventually resulting in the night before my flight me and my friend Jake going to my new broker's office door at 2 in the morning and slipping applications and checks under her door in a sealed envelope. And then I had to start packing! But indeed I found a lovely three bedroom apartment for me and my two sisters to live in on 104th and 1st Ave. Yes... That is traditionally considered Harlem, but take a breath Grandma. I checked out the neighborhood. Only four homicides last year my cop ex-roommate says (That's a good number! Midtown has like 36!). I have been living there for a week and experienced nothing but being unnoticed by anyone around me. Except for one old guy who really wanted to be my friend when he saw me walking home with a big pizza for dinner.
Naturally, my first semester in New York City ended with me sprinting to my gate at JFK airport and almost missing my flight, and in the air becoming increasingly and increasingly more sick to the point that when I met my cousin Meredith picking me up she jumped when she heard me speak. On the flight, I made a new fan. My flight attendant (who was the best flight attendant in the world), greeted me as I entered the plane by asking what I did for work. Upon learning I was an actor and attending school she quickly informed that I needed to stick with it because I had a great demeanor and was going to make it. She continued to chat me up trhoughout the flight, offering genuinely thoughtful and encouraging advice, and then finished the ride home with a big armful of free snacks and a hug. It only occurred to me later that I should have told her about this blog- I need to start carrying cards!
Sickness or not, being home was amazing. A little weird at first, I won't lie; especially when it was almost 90 degrees the day after I got back to Texas. I have not experienced that kind of heat in awhile. I got to see my Kemp/Athens friends, housing provided by the amazing Joblin family. I left Kemp much too quickly, to be truthful. Of course, you know me. I can't really be disappointed with more time with family. I'm pretty much obsessed with my family. Still. Kemp will always be home for me, and I miss it.
After spending Christmas weekend at my Nana and Pops's house in Texas, the Addisons loaded all our stuff (and our dogs) into our faithful suburban and headed to Estes Park, Colorado. If Texas was hot, Estes was COLD. Man, I've never known such temperatures! -2 degrees most days at our house! It was bad enough staying mostly inside- Matt was out there skiing three of those days! Family Christmas was amazing! Santa Claus outdid himself this year, y'all. I don't know that I remember I more fun Christmas morning (and it didn't even happen on the real day!).
And then before I knew what was happening, it was time to fly home. In a rush, my bags were packed, my goodbyes were said, and I was on a plane. Both my flights were majorly delayed, yet before I had time to really think I was back in New York City wandering around the airport completely unaware of where I was supposed to be picking up my bag from. Every time I leave my family for New York it's hard, but it really hit me this time. It didn't really make sense to me that I would leave behind all of that love, all of that easy, comfortable living for day-to-day work, alone... Why would I do that?
It was somewhere between Minneappolis and NYC at about 30,000 feet in the air that I realized that it's because I wasn't made for a normal life. God made me different- that's for sure! He made me special, with a special, unique purpose. I believe that with all my heart. So even when it's a little uncomfortable, I give myself over to Him. I know He'll take me where I need to be. My openness has a limit, but I'll just say that if I can't believe that God can do miraculous things after some news I received over the break, then I have no faith at all. I mean, just looking around me at all the things I've been able to do in my life shows what God's capable of!
So, I'm back. I'm almost finished with the first week of Second Semester, and it's gonna kick my butt. There is A LOT of work to be done this semester for every class. Tomorrow I will be impersonating Elvis Presley in my Styles class, reuniting with all my Section 7 buddies at Vivian's new apartment, and picking up my sisters from the airport. New York City daily rush is in full swing again!
There's just one more thing. Talking to people over the break who have been reading my blog, there was one main thing that stuck out to almost everyone who'd read it. They all spoke of it's optimistic, joyous tone; overflowing with happiness, as one put it. We all know that life on a daily basis is not the most wonderful, perfect, incredible experience ever. But that's what I write about. And it's no accident. The way I see it, there are two ways to look at life: up or down. Certainly, I could find things almost every day to be upset about. And I could worry about those things, write about them, let them affect me fully (this is what they LOOOVE at AADA). Or I could not bother with those things. I could see the other stuff. The daily things that fill me with contentment, whether it's as small as snow flake landing on my hand or as big as someone telling me that they love me, and meaning it.
I choose optimism. I choose contentment. I choose that half-full glass as many times as I possibly can. It's not always easy (or possible), but I have help from a pretty amazing, undying source. And if I can spread some of that optimism through this blog, then it's doing it's job. I hope your life is going wonderfully for you right now. And if your first thought is that it's not, take a moment, look around, and see if you can find something that can make it just a little brighter. I bet you a million dollars that you can.
That's all for now.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Joyous Christmas
Winter has officially arrived in the city, my friends. Every day I emerge from my room with a jacket, a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, and a big fluffy hat on my head. I don't care how ridiculous I look- It's cold, y'all! Of course, scarves are a much more common occurrence up here; in fact, you might be an outsider if you didn't wear a scarf this time of year. Still. That long piece of cloth I'm wrapping around my neck feels a bit alien to me. It's become a true friend, though.
There's more than just cold to herald the season of joy, though; Christmas is in the air everywhere! This morning I walked onto the street to find hundreds of Santa Clauses running around and chanting and dancing (I even saw one holding up a sign that said "Elves are NOT slaves!!!"). I wish I'd had a camera with me. It was a joyous sight, the Santas' irrepressible joy spreading infectiously to everyone around them. I mean everyone too: I have never seen Midtown so crowded as it has become over the past few weeks. Everyone rushing into the big city to do their Christmas shopping, take in the sights. I can't really blame them. The window displays alone are worth it.
Still, it hasn't been all fun and games. Contrary to popular belief, we actually do work at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, and lately I've been making myself slack off as little as possible. It hasn't been the all-around easiest time of the year, either. For the first time, I've gone through some really bad mood days... you know those ones. They're yuck. But I try not to let those days happen. When they do, I find the simplest and most effective thing to do is take one step back and remember just how many innumerable things I have to be thankful for. It's pretty easy to dispel those bad moods then.
There's no denying that this has been emotional year for me- it would be a bit weird if it hadn't been. I mean, I left home for the first time and moved to a place so completely different from anything I've ever known that sometimes it still pleasantly surprises me that I actually live here. Sometimes I lie in my bed at night and I cry, but for what is probably the first time in my life I can say that those are tears of joy, not sadness. Joy, overflowing from within me. Joy at all the amazing miracles that have been given to me in my life. When was the last time you stepped back and took a look at all the things God has done for you in your life? You might just find yourself tearing up too.
And what better time to be joyous? IT'S CHRISTMAS! This is the most magical time of the year. A time for miracles, for joy, for love. A time to believe. It's a time when friends hold each other tight, pretending it's for warmth but really just wanting to hug each other as long as they can. It's a time when there's nothing more comforting than just being with your family. This is the season of hot chocolate, presents, snow, waking up on Christmas morning, Santa Claus, a time for peace and love. It's the celebration of the most joyous, magnificent, mysterious, amazing event ever to happen to this Earth, the birth of the One who gives hope. It's a time to believe. My life is built on belief that there is something more, something divine guiding me. There's no more wonderful time to believe than this time of year. (You know it's a time of miracles when I somehow manage to meet and take a picture with BERNADETTE FREAKIN' PETERS!)
This season is never wasted on me; Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. So remember that! And spread some of that Christmas cheer!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! Enjoy every minute of it. I'll be seeing a lot of you very soon. :)
There's more than just cold to herald the season of joy, though; Christmas is in the air everywhere! This morning I walked onto the street to find hundreds of Santa Clauses running around and chanting and dancing (I even saw one holding up a sign that said "Elves are NOT slaves!!!"). I wish I'd had a camera with me. It was a joyous sight, the Santas' irrepressible joy spreading infectiously to everyone around them. I mean everyone too: I have never seen Midtown so crowded as it has become over the past few weeks. Everyone rushing into the big city to do their Christmas shopping, take in the sights. I can't really blame them. The window displays alone are worth it.
Still, it hasn't been all fun and games. Contrary to popular belief, we actually do work at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, and lately I've been making myself slack off as little as possible. It hasn't been the all-around easiest time of the year, either. For the first time, I've gone through some really bad mood days... you know those ones. They're yuck. But I try not to let those days happen. When they do, I find the simplest and most effective thing to do is take one step back and remember just how many innumerable things I have to be thankful for. It's pretty easy to dispel those bad moods then.
There's no denying that this has been emotional year for me- it would be a bit weird if it hadn't been. I mean, I left home for the first time and moved to a place so completely different from anything I've ever known that sometimes it still pleasantly surprises me that I actually live here. Sometimes I lie in my bed at night and I cry, but for what is probably the first time in my life I can say that those are tears of joy, not sadness. Joy, overflowing from within me. Joy at all the amazing miracles that have been given to me in my life. When was the last time you stepped back and took a look at all the things God has done for you in your life? You might just find yourself tearing up too.
And what better time to be joyous? IT'S CHRISTMAS! This is the most magical time of the year. A time for miracles, for joy, for love. A time to believe. It's a time when friends hold each other tight, pretending it's for warmth but really just wanting to hug each other as long as they can. It's a time when there's nothing more comforting than just being with your family. This is the season of hot chocolate, presents, snow, waking up on Christmas morning, Santa Claus, a time for peace and love. It's the celebration of the most joyous, magnificent, mysterious, amazing event ever to happen to this Earth, the birth of the One who gives hope. It's a time to believe. My life is built on belief that there is something more, something divine guiding me. There's no more wonderful time to believe than this time of year. (You know it's a time of miracles when I somehow manage to meet and take a picture with BERNADETTE FREAKIN' PETERS!)
This season is never wasted on me; Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. So remember that! And spread some of that Christmas cheer!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! Enjoy every minute of it. I'll be seeing a lot of you very soon. :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
World-Changer
Sometimes I get restless. Despite the fact that I'm living in flippin' New York City, attending one of the best acting schools in the country, and am one of the most blessed people in the world- I still feel like there's more for me out there. I want to change the world. I've known this almost my entire life- I've felt that there was something very special planned for me for as long as I can remember. But I still get scared; I don't know if I'm really anything special at all sometimes. Who am I to think I could be of relevance to this world?
Yet I can't shake that feeling (I've never been able to shake it): I'm supposed to change the world.
The world doesn't make it all that easy. Earth can be a discouraging place to live, folks; I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. Circumstances can be hard. People can be hurtful. It's so easy to get in a pessimistic, unbelieving, and unhappy mindset. Your heart can break.
But it can also mend. You can believe again.
All around me there are people trudging through life, taking each miserable step just to get to the next. Then there's me, sometimes practically skipping through the streets of New York, a big smile on my face. Maybe that's why people keep staring at me. Well, let 'em stare! Maybe my ridiculously goofy smile will spread to their faces just a little- wouldn't that be awesome?
I'm made to do this. I know that. I feel it confirmed every time I pray, every time I'm in church. God has given me gifts that were meant to be shared with the world. I don't say this out of cockiness; it's a destiny thing. God put the dream in me, and I won't stop believing.
Still, sometimes I get restless. I don't think it has so much to do with not being a world-changer. I think it has to do more with the weak, human fear I feel each time I feel I wanna change the world and a little voice whispers in my ear, "Then do it."
Don't really know why I felt compelled to write this today. Oh well. Inspiring video of the week:
Yet I can't shake that feeling (I've never been able to shake it): I'm supposed to change the world.
The world doesn't make it all that easy. Earth can be a discouraging place to live, folks; I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. Circumstances can be hard. People can be hurtful. It's so easy to get in a pessimistic, unbelieving, and unhappy mindset. Your heart can break.
But it can also mend. You can believe again.
All around me there are people trudging through life, taking each miserable step just to get to the next. Then there's me, sometimes practically skipping through the streets of New York, a big smile on my face. Maybe that's why people keep staring at me. Well, let 'em stare! Maybe my ridiculously goofy smile will spread to their faces just a little- wouldn't that be awesome?
I'm made to do this. I know that. I feel it confirmed every time I pray, every time I'm in church. God has given me gifts that were meant to be shared with the world. I don't say this out of cockiness; it's a destiny thing. God put the dream in me, and I won't stop believing.
Still, sometimes I get restless. I don't think it has so much to do with not being a world-changer. I think it has to do more with the weak, human fear I feel each time I feel I wanna change the world and a little voice whispers in my ear, "Then do it."
Don't really know why I felt compelled to write this today. Oh well. Inspiring video of the week:
Friday, December 3, 2010
The Tumultuous Week of the (Christian) Actor
The actor's life is a tumultuous one. In the week following Thanksgiving, I have gone from feeling blah about being back, to making a valiant effort to be in a great mood, to extreme disappointment with the school, to being more inspired about my career than I have ever been and once again comprehending the sheer flippin' awesome-ness of God.
I think it's probably going to always be tough to go see family and then return to NYC. Small town life (and Addison family life) and NYC life are so completely different, and while I've gotten to where I can truly say I Love New York, I will probably always be a small town boy at heart. Getting back Sunday night to an empty room and a crowded city made me feel a tad disillusioned, but I bucked up and made a decision to greet the next day full of friendliness and good cheer. And I did, and so did everyone else, and it was indeed delightful to see all my Section 7 buddies again. Then, unfortunately, Monday was followed by Tuesday (make sure and say that with a u-glide!), the suckiest of days, and the day on which I have to go to school from 11 in the morning to 8:30 at night. Also the day of Vocal Production class, the singing class which did nothing but infuriate and annoy me because I didn't even get to sing and I've had this dumb, unchallenging song from Beauty and the Beast waaaaay too long. I'm not learning anything in the class. So by the time I got to Alexander Technique, I was conversing annoyingly with my fellow Section mates how this school truly wasn't worth the tuition, I wasn't learning anything, I wished I could quit, wah wah wah! Naturally, that was the day that I had to stand up and do a monologue in Alexander, and my blah attitude showed through clear as day. Strangely enough, though, when that teacher started working on me, physically and mentally, and made me keep doing it 'til I got it right, I ended up delivering a small, comedic performance that everyone agreed was way more effective than my 'memorized monologue'.
I called my acting mentor, Robin Haynie, to let it all out- my disappointment with school, my strong will to be out working, my disagreements with the techniques we were learning- and do you know what she said? Putting all validness of the school aside (she's always wished I was in a University program somewhere), in either scenario the point of drama programs is to be in a place where you can PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE in a safe environment where someone just might be able to give you some good advice on how to improve. That's a simple truth. It's one that I've realized before, but needed reminding of. And really, it's pretty much exactly what AADA is there for: a place for me to practice my butt off, taking risks, and learning new methods that may or may not be what I choose to use; a safe place to go to deeper places than I ever have. As always, Ms. Haynie delivered the perfect advice. What's more, I think just letting it out and speaking my issues aloud was precisely what I needed to make me realize how meaningless they were. Besides what Robin said being totally true, I have even more incentive to be content: Faith. I have faith that God has put me and will continue to put me exactly where I need to be. Furthermore, I have been blessed- ooooh, have I been blessed! What right have I to complain?
Yesterday we had a Q&A with Judith Light, and it was probably the most inspiring, practical, real thing I've ever been to about my career. Everyone who went left visibly moved- I don't really know how to explain it. Judith was just so open and honest about how she works, and the things that inspire her. She's not a superstar like Kevin Kline, she's just a working, tremendously talented actress who has it figured out probably better than most anyone else. For those of you who can't put a face to the name, Judith Light starred for years on Who's the Boss- I've never seen that show, but from what I hear it's not exactly the epitome of monumental acting; what she's respected for is her decades worth of stage work in plays like Wit, A Doll's House, Hedda Gabler, and currently Lombardi. I know her from Ugly Betty (LOVE) on which she played Claire Meade. Perhaps the best way to share her brilliance is to tell you the main things she said that really struck me, though it will be nowhere near as eloquent as her:
I'm here for a reason. If I open my mind and heart, I can see it all around me. In huge, semi-life-changing things like Judith Light's Q&A to small things like discovering that Forever 21 prints John 3:16 on the bottom of all of their bags. Little affirmations. God has given me a dream, and I am here to fulfill that dream and that purpose. If I let go, he will guide me. I know that to be true. And that gives me more reason to fully devote myself, work my hardest, and believe in what I'm doing than anything else ever can.
I think it's probably going to always be tough to go see family and then return to NYC. Small town life (and Addison family life) and NYC life are so completely different, and while I've gotten to where I can truly say I Love New York, I will probably always be a small town boy at heart. Getting back Sunday night to an empty room and a crowded city made me feel a tad disillusioned, but I bucked up and made a decision to greet the next day full of friendliness and good cheer. And I did, and so did everyone else, and it was indeed delightful to see all my Section 7 buddies again. Then, unfortunately, Monday was followed by Tuesday (make sure and say that with a u-glide!), the suckiest of days, and the day on which I have to go to school from 11 in the morning to 8:30 at night. Also the day of Vocal Production class, the singing class which did nothing but infuriate and annoy me because I didn't even get to sing and I've had this dumb, unchallenging song from Beauty and the Beast waaaaay too long. I'm not learning anything in the class. So by the time I got to Alexander Technique, I was conversing annoyingly with my fellow Section mates how this school truly wasn't worth the tuition, I wasn't learning anything, I wished I could quit, wah wah wah! Naturally, that was the day that I had to stand up and do a monologue in Alexander, and my blah attitude showed through clear as day. Strangely enough, though, when that teacher started working on me, physically and mentally, and made me keep doing it 'til I got it right, I ended up delivering a small, comedic performance that everyone agreed was way more effective than my 'memorized monologue'.
I called my acting mentor, Robin Haynie, to let it all out- my disappointment with school, my strong will to be out working, my disagreements with the techniques we were learning- and do you know what she said? Putting all validness of the school aside (she's always wished I was in a University program somewhere), in either scenario the point of drama programs is to be in a place where you can PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE in a safe environment where someone just might be able to give you some good advice on how to improve. That's a simple truth. It's one that I've realized before, but needed reminding of. And really, it's pretty much exactly what AADA is there for: a place for me to practice my butt off, taking risks, and learning new methods that may or may not be what I choose to use; a safe place to go to deeper places than I ever have. As always, Ms. Haynie delivered the perfect advice. What's more, I think just letting it out and speaking my issues aloud was precisely what I needed to make me realize how meaningless they were. Besides what Robin said being totally true, I have even more incentive to be content: Faith. I have faith that God has put me and will continue to put me exactly where I need to be. Furthermore, I have been blessed- ooooh, have I been blessed! What right have I to complain?
Yesterday we had a Q&A with Judith Light, and it was probably the most inspiring, practical, real thing I've ever been to about my career. Everyone who went left visibly moved- I don't really know how to explain it. Judith was just so open and honest about how she works, and the things that inspire her. She's not a superstar like Kevin Kline, she's just a working, tremendously talented actress who has it figured out probably better than most anyone else. For those of you who can't put a face to the name, Judith Light starred for years on Who's the Boss- I've never seen that show, but from what I hear it's not exactly the epitome of monumental acting; what she's respected for is her decades worth of stage work in plays like Wit, A Doll's House, Hedda Gabler, and currently Lombardi. I know her from Ugly Betty (LOVE) on which she played Claire Meade. Perhaps the best way to share her brilliance is to tell you the main things she said that really struck me, though it will be nowhere near as eloquent as her:
- Acting is a Service Industry; we perform to serve people because they need something- to be entertained, moved, have catharsis, whatever. If they didn't need something, they wouldn't be paying to watch us. So it's important to remember as an actor that it's not about you. It's about what you can give. She talked about when she did Wit (for those of you who didn't see it when I did it, it's a riveting play about a woman with ovarian cancer coming to terms with the false views she's had about life. It's probably one of the most taxing roles a woman could play.). Each night she'd be sitting backstage at half hour to curtain saying, "You know I really don't feel like doing this tonight." And her husband would say, "Well, you've got a half hour to start feeling like it." And this would go on until 5 minutes to show, and then she would say a little prayer: Help me to be what these people need to see. And then she'd be ready to go. Every night.
- To be successful, you have to get to a point of really knowing yourself and your instrument well enough that you can have confidence that you are enough and will deliver the performance needed. It's tough, it takes years of practice, but you can get there. Decide that you deserve it. Decide to greet your work with open mind and open heart.
- There are greater forces at work in this universe, and if you trust them they will guide you to where you need to go. (I think Judith may be a secret Christian.)
I'm here for a reason. If I open my mind and heart, I can see it all around me. In huge, semi-life-changing things like Judith Light's Q&A to small things like discovering that Forever 21 prints John 3:16 on the bottom of all of their bags. Little affirmations. God has given me a dream, and I am here to fulfill that dream and that purpose. If I let go, he will guide me. I know that to be true. And that gives me more reason to fully devote myself, work my hardest, and believe in what I'm doing than anything else ever can.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
We are Enough.
There's something we talk about a lot at AADA, a simple truth we have to be able to trust ourselves with in order to be really great performers: We Are Enough. So many people who act or perform try to put on a show- they pretend, create characters, etc- but in reality a lot of the most fascinating, moving, unforgettable moments come when people are really honest, when they are themselves reacting to their circumstances. It's a rather deep philosophy, and a little bit hard for many actors to believe- including myself. Yet it's true. If anything they've said at AADA thus far has been proven through the work, it's this. When the people working (whether it be in a scene or a song or even a dance) let go and are totally honest and open with their instincts and feelings, we all sit forward in our seats. We all look up from whatever we're doing. We can't take our eyes off of them.
It's an interesting idea, isn't it? When people are themselves, fully expressed and uninhibited, they are most fascinating. That could probably be applied to a lot more than acting class.
As is generally the case with life, it comes and goes in a rush; life is a rollercoaster of emotions and events, and don't you try to deny it. In one day someone can say something to me that lands and festers like an unattended cut until it messes up my whole day, and then later that night I can attend the most fun midnight showing of Harry Potter of all time and be truly happy. Let me tell you: This was truly the BEST midnight showing EVER. It probably had something to do with the general nerdiness and excitement of the group I went with. We were the ones sprinting down the streets of New York, casting spells at innocent standers-by and screaming as we were pursued by imaginary death eaters. If that didn't attract your attention, you could have just checked out the lightning scars on our foreheads. On top of all that, we managed to be allowed to watch in a special, set-aside theater with probably no more than twenty other people who were all just as excited as us; naturally we all became friends. Not to mention we took some pretty rockin' pictures and I was lookin' fine. By the time I went to sleep that night, I couldn't have cared less what that person said that upset me so much.
I can't not look back, then, and wonder why I even bothered being upset in the first place? Whatever was said to me (or ever is, for that matter) is never going to really matter if I'm fully comfortable with myself and who I am. And what right have I to ever really not be comfortable with myself? Was I not created this way? Was I a mistake? Certainly not. And that's an awesome thought. And you know what else is cool? It works both ways. When I'm fully comfortable with myself and being totally uninhibited and real, everyone else thinks I'm pretty neat too. Those few who don't probably have some personal issues of their own to work out.
In less than 24 hours, I will be heading home for the first time since school started; by home I mean to my family, those fantastical, amazing people who always love me for who I am. Still, I have a feeling it's going to feel a little weird to be back in a small town. Isn't it crazy that I have three weeks left of this semester? This city has been an incredible, totally unique place to live, and I would lie if I said I haven't gotten used to the big city. There's just something about stepping onto the streets of New York. I'll miss it while I'm gone. They're setting everything up for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that goes right down my street, and a little part of me wishes I could be hear to see it. Having said that, I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME AND I AM SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT!!
Now for the big news: I am getting an apartment! Me and my friend Jake have started the application process for a lovely 4-bedroom on 100th St for nice little price. In typical NYC fashion, it happened in a heartbeat. We saw it one day and signed for it the next. As for those two extra bedrooms, we may have to put them up for rent on craigslist, but as of right now I believe they will be filled by two delightful ladies who I happen to love very much. Their names start with A & J. I will say nothing more...
We did the final performances of our first scenes today in class, and again I had one of my classmates tell me it was fantastic; my personal best, they said. Even our Bill Murray-look-alike teacher, Chris, had nothing but praise for us. It's good to hear those things. It's encouraging. It's affirming.
I am enough. You are enough. We are brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous; it scares us a little bit sometimes. But it's true. And when you are you, you are real, you are uninhibited and open and happy, people will not be able to take their eyes off of you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made; a fascinating and beautiful creation. And those people who don't like it aren't worth a second thought.
It's an interesting idea, isn't it? When people are themselves, fully expressed and uninhibited, they are most fascinating. That could probably be applied to a lot more than acting class.
As is generally the case with life, it comes and goes in a rush; life is a rollercoaster of emotions and events, and don't you try to deny it. In one day someone can say something to me that lands and festers like an unattended cut until it messes up my whole day, and then later that night I can attend the most fun midnight showing of Harry Potter of all time and be truly happy. Let me tell you: This was truly the BEST midnight showing EVER. It probably had something to do with the general nerdiness and excitement of the group I went with. We were the ones sprinting down the streets of New York, casting spells at innocent standers-by and screaming as we were pursued by imaginary death eaters. If that didn't attract your attention, you could have just checked out the lightning scars on our foreheads. On top of all that, we managed to be allowed to watch in a special, set-aside theater with probably no more than twenty other people who were all just as excited as us; naturally we all became friends. Not to mention we took some pretty rockin' pictures and I was lookin' fine. By the time I went to sleep that night, I couldn't have cared less what that person said that upset me so much.
I can't not look back, then, and wonder why I even bothered being upset in the first place? Whatever was said to me (or ever is, for that matter) is never going to really matter if I'm fully comfortable with myself and who I am. And what right have I to ever really not be comfortable with myself? Was I not created this way? Was I a mistake? Certainly not. And that's an awesome thought. And you know what else is cool? It works both ways. When I'm fully comfortable with myself and being totally uninhibited and real, everyone else thinks I'm pretty neat too. Those few who don't probably have some personal issues of their own to work out.
In less than 24 hours, I will be heading home for the first time since school started; by home I mean to my family, those fantastical, amazing people who always love me for who I am. Still, I have a feeling it's going to feel a little weird to be back in a small town. Isn't it crazy that I have three weeks left of this semester? This city has been an incredible, totally unique place to live, and I would lie if I said I haven't gotten used to the big city. There's just something about stepping onto the streets of New York. I'll miss it while I'm gone. They're setting everything up for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that goes right down my street, and a little part of me wishes I could be hear to see it. Having said that, I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME AND I AM SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT!!
Now for the big news: I am getting an apartment! Me and my friend Jake have started the application process for a lovely 4-bedroom on 100th St for nice little price. In typical NYC fashion, it happened in a heartbeat. We saw it one day and signed for it the next. As for those two extra bedrooms, we may have to put them up for rent on craigslist, but as of right now I believe they will be filled by two delightful ladies who I happen to love very much. Their names start with A & J. I will say nothing more...
We did the final performances of our first scenes today in class, and again I had one of my classmates tell me it was fantastic; my personal best, they said. Even our Bill Murray-look-alike teacher, Chris, had nothing but praise for us. It's good to hear those things. It's encouraging. It's affirming.
I am enough. You are enough. We are brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous; it scares us a little bit sometimes. But it's true. And when you are you, you are real, you are uninhibited and open and happy, people will not be able to take their eyes off of you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made; a fascinating and beautiful creation. And those people who don't like it aren't worth a second thought.
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