Since returning to New York City and my dear American Academy of Dramatic Arts, I have handed out granola bars and bible verses to the homeless, drugged-out inhabitants of Union Square Park (I made quite a few friends!), ran four avenues to the subway at 1 in the morning in the pouring rain after a movie, pretended with my friend Vivian to be a young couple looking for a new bed and thoroughly testing each mattress at the mattress store, and been trapped between a stroller and a wheelchair on the subway as the train was coming to my stop (Who do you awkwardly ask to move?). I've also had quite a success story with the sisters- We have continued to run into this one particular guy from our building, finally me introducing myself, but we've failed to ever learn his number or which apartment he lives in. Therefore we attached a note to our door saying we would like to go bowling soon and would like him to join, and we received a note back saying that sounded delightful and giving us a phone number. The Addisons will prevail in our efforts to turn NYC into a charming Southern town!
I've also reconciled with a friend, worked on an exercise in class where you grab hands with your partner (only after you feel a connection!) and then release back saying either 'yes' or 'no', creating a tug-of-war type activity between two people shouting the same words to each other over and over again. And I had a breakdown in rehearsal as we talked about how we could define loss in our own lives. But most of that is just normal AADA. We've been working on Exam Plays since I've been back, and I've got to say it is refreshing to be working on an actual show again.
I've also just realized that I haven't had ice cream since I've been back in the city, which is quite something in and of itself.
It hasn't been the easiest of times. I've been to the very edge of darkness and back (pardon the cliche), experiencing for the first time in my own life what could only be called spiritual warfare. It's been a fight. But it's getting better. And most of that comes from making a simple choice- to believe and have faith. My entire life really, but particularly for the last two years, I have lived with the belief that I was created for a reason, that I had a divine purpose, and that the life I was living was taken step by step with God. To go through a period of having to question whether any of that was real or not... it's not fun. And when my faith stopped making sense, everything stopped making sense. To wonder whether there was actually a greater meaning...
I began to realize that either I had my faith and I chose to put my trust in it again, or I had nothing. And nothingness seemed like an awful scary thing to face. So I prayed. I went to the word. I told God that if He was real and if He cared, He was going to have to show me.
Did he? Not exactly... at least not in some world-shaking, Hallelujah Chorus way. It was a bit more subtle than that. He caused me to look at his word in a deeper way than I had before. He caused me to reopen my little book of verses I'd just happened to start keeping this year, and he began to reveal himself again:
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."- James 1:2-3
"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."- 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up on wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."- Isaiah 40:31
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in Heaven but you? And Earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."- Psalm 73:23-26
"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."- Joshua 1:9
And it began to get better. I began to have peace again. I realized that it is much better to believe.
Now, I'm realistic (God help us all, Jay's become a realist!). I know that bad days have come during this time too, and there will be more. Some days I still wake up and nothing is right: I'm too ugly, I have no talent, nobody really likes or respects me, I'm all alone, it doesn't make sense, it's not fair, I got cheated, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! Today itself threatened to be one of those days. But at a certain point I just refused to give myself over to it, and I think that's going to be my new goal for each of those days. Take a deep breath and find the good. If I can't, put on a happy face anyway. This world is not worth facing alone. So I have to believe. If that makes me an foolish, weak in your eyes... honestly, I couldn't care less what you think.
I'm making a new playlist on my ipod, and giving it a new name: Hope.
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Strength Like a Fire
This semester we have a class called Mask that I find completely fascinating. However, almost every single week when I'm in there I catch myself thinking, "If someone from home walked in right now..." I won't deny it's one of the stranger courses AADA has to offer, and that's saying something. The basic idea is this: You cover your face with a neutral mask and therefore have to express all of your emotion through your body. Every week we have a new scenario of some kind that we go through as a group, then individually go through it while wearing the mask. An example scenario:
You're in a beautiful, lush, pillared courtyard. There's flowers and trees and a little pond. The ceiling is glass and the walls are open. Beyond the courtyard is a dense forest. Beyond the forest are mountains. Beyond the mountains, out of sight, is the ocean. Suddenly, a bird flies into the courtyard. It flies back and forth, from one end to the other, then right in front of you it stops and falls to the ground, dead. You kneel down to pick it up in your hands. But as you're holding it, it comes back to life and flies away!
Last week we did something a little different- We embodied each of the four elements, air, fire, water, and earth. We did it first as a group with our eyes closed. But then, of course, she made us get up an embody one of the elements as a mask solo. Worse, she informed us that this time, everybody else in the room was there. We could see them, and they could see us. I was pretty much petrified. In the group work, I had found the exercise fascinating and incredibly freeing. But to do it in front of everyone... and I knew which element I had to do, the one I most easily connected with, the most deep-rooted and personal one: Fire.
It's not surprising that Fire would speak to me. Deep inside of me, in my core there is a fire always burning. It's the most personal, most primal part of me, a part that does often get pushed aside or dampened (pardon the pun) because I'm shy or uncomfortable. However, it's the part of me that never allows myself to give up; this unextinguishable strength. And that's what great acting is all about, at least in part; sharing with people the deepest, most personal part of ourselves in performance. Because when you do that as an actor, people feel it. It's a tangible thing. And they can't take their eyes off of the work because it is so truthful. That's what I want to do. But it's still a little scary sometimes.
Life is not a cakewalk. This semester has seen both highs and lows of my New York Experience- I've been learning more than I ever expected to at school, but I've also had days where I really felt like there was really no one in this school who cared about me at all. Sometimes I spend entire days feeling progressively worse and worse convincing myself that no one likes me and there's nothing I can do about it.
I learned the falseness of that some time ago, though. There was a moment when I was traveling through Central America with my family that I realized something incredible: God created me. He CREATED ME. And he don't make no accidents. What's more, I have a literal worry-free guarantee: God's promised to take care of me, and he hasn't let me down yet. He will take me where I need to go. I may have no idea how important everything I'm going through will be to me in the future- but I know there's reason behind it all. And that's encouraging; heck, that's empowering! And it makes me feel all warm and toasty inside (which is an especially nice bonus considering how cold it is!).
Now don't get confused here: We can't just hand everything over to Big G.O.D. and expect him to take care of it with no effort from us. He will take care of everything, but we have to do our part. It's a relationship, folks. That implies two sides, and there has to be two sides for your life to become the wonderful thing it can be. This is something I've had to confront myself with recently. I think being so blessed had lulled me into a bit of complacency. That no work. But I'm working on fixing it.
I know that He's given me a dream. I know that this is where He wants me to be right now. I don't know where this career will lead me, I don't even know the next step, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be. So I gave it my all. I came out from behind that partition and let the Fire consume me. It was pretty intense for me, and I guess it came across. For almost all the others, there had been that awkward laughter of people feeling foolish- nobody laughed this time. It took me the rest of the class to shake it off, part of which included me having to put my head down and cry. The teacher had that now-familiar phrase as advice: Almost. One step more and it would have been very powerful.
I think I've heard that enough. It's all too easy to think who am I to be something incredible, but really... who am I not to be? I think it's time to take that last step. It's time to let the strength in me take over, consume me, flow from me.
Like a Fire.
You're in a beautiful, lush, pillared courtyard. There's flowers and trees and a little pond. The ceiling is glass and the walls are open. Beyond the courtyard is a dense forest. Beyond the forest are mountains. Beyond the mountains, out of sight, is the ocean. Suddenly, a bird flies into the courtyard. It flies back and forth, from one end to the other, then right in front of you it stops and falls to the ground, dead. You kneel down to pick it up in your hands. But as you're holding it, it comes back to life and flies away!
Last week we did something a little different- We embodied each of the four elements, air, fire, water, and earth. We did it first as a group with our eyes closed. But then, of course, she made us get up an embody one of the elements as a mask solo. Worse, she informed us that this time, everybody else in the room was there. We could see them, and they could see us. I was pretty much petrified. In the group work, I had found the exercise fascinating and incredibly freeing. But to do it in front of everyone... and I knew which element I had to do, the one I most easily connected with, the most deep-rooted and personal one: Fire.
It's not surprising that Fire would speak to me. Deep inside of me, in my core there is a fire always burning. It's the most personal, most primal part of me, a part that does often get pushed aside or dampened (pardon the pun) because I'm shy or uncomfortable. However, it's the part of me that never allows myself to give up; this unextinguishable strength. And that's what great acting is all about, at least in part; sharing with people the deepest, most personal part of ourselves in performance. Because when you do that as an actor, people feel it. It's a tangible thing. And they can't take their eyes off of the work because it is so truthful. That's what I want to do. But it's still a little scary sometimes.
Life is not a cakewalk. This semester has seen both highs and lows of my New York Experience- I've been learning more than I ever expected to at school, but I've also had days where I really felt like there was really no one in this school who cared about me at all. Sometimes I spend entire days feeling progressively worse and worse convincing myself that no one likes me and there's nothing I can do about it.
I learned the falseness of that some time ago, though. There was a moment when I was traveling through Central America with my family that I realized something incredible: God created me. He CREATED ME. And he don't make no accidents. What's more, I have a literal worry-free guarantee: God's promised to take care of me, and he hasn't let me down yet. He will take me where I need to go. I may have no idea how important everything I'm going through will be to me in the future- but I know there's reason behind it all. And that's encouraging; heck, that's empowering! And it makes me feel all warm and toasty inside (which is an especially nice bonus considering how cold it is!).
Now don't get confused here: We can't just hand everything over to Big G.O.D. and expect him to take care of it with no effort from us. He will take care of everything, but we have to do our part. It's a relationship, folks. That implies two sides, and there has to be two sides for your life to become the wonderful thing it can be. This is something I've had to confront myself with recently. I think being so blessed had lulled me into a bit of complacency. That no work. But I'm working on fixing it.
I know that He's given me a dream. I know that this is where He wants me to be right now. I don't know where this career will lead me, I don't even know the next step, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be. So I gave it my all. I came out from behind that partition and let the Fire consume me. It was pretty intense for me, and I guess it came across. For almost all the others, there had been that awkward laughter of people feeling foolish- nobody laughed this time. It took me the rest of the class to shake it off, part of which included me having to put my head down and cry. The teacher had that now-familiar phrase as advice: Almost. One step more and it would have been very powerful.
I think I've heard that enough. It's all too easy to think who am I to be something incredible, but really... who am I not to be? I think it's time to take that last step. It's time to let the strength in me take over, consume me, flow from me.
Like a Fire.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Semester, New Apartment, New York
It's been a loooong time! I've finished a semester, gone home, and come back since last we met, dear blog! I guess life's been a little hectic lately. With the end of the first semester, I decided more than ever to devote myself completely to my schoolwork. That meant Final Scenes for Acting, Dance presentations for Movement, Written Exams (Yes, we do actually take those!), and so much more. It's hard to really explain I guess... Giving yourself over to performance work is tiring. Just day-to-day takes a lot out of you. Most people don't let themselves go through that much emotion on a daily basis. Lucky for me, it's what I love to do.
On top of all that I was apartment hunting via appointments set up for me by my sisters in Texas! I suppose it's time to come clean to everybody; I got swindled by my "broker" the first time around looking for an apartment. It wouldn't be such an embarrassing thing (It can always be viewed as a learning experience), except that I lost more than my pride: I lost $250 in the mix. Everybody sigh! But the sun will still come out! I continued to apartment hunt up until the very last minute (literally) before I flew home, eventually resulting in the night before my flight me and my friend Jake going to my new broker's office door at 2 in the morning and slipping applications and checks under her door in a sealed envelope. And then I had to start packing! But indeed I found a lovely three bedroom apartment for me and my two sisters to live in on 104th and 1st Ave. Yes... That is traditionally considered Harlem, but take a breath Grandma. I checked out the neighborhood. Only four homicides last year my cop ex-roommate says (That's a good number! Midtown has like 36!). I have been living there for a week and experienced nothing but being unnoticed by anyone around me. Except for one old guy who really wanted to be my friend when he saw me walking home with a big pizza for dinner.
Naturally, my first semester in New York City ended with me sprinting to my gate at JFK airport and almost missing my flight, and in the air becoming increasingly and increasingly more sick to the point that when I met my cousin Meredith picking me up she jumped when she heard me speak. On the flight, I made a new fan. My flight attendant (who was the best flight attendant in the world), greeted me as I entered the plane by asking what I did for work. Upon learning I was an actor and attending school she quickly informed that I needed to stick with it because I had a great demeanor and was going to make it. She continued to chat me up trhoughout the flight, offering genuinely thoughtful and encouraging advice, and then finished the ride home with a big armful of free snacks and a hug. It only occurred to me later that I should have told her about this blog- I need to start carrying cards!
Sickness or not, being home was amazing. A little weird at first, I won't lie; especially when it was almost 90 degrees the day after I got back to Texas. I have not experienced that kind of heat in awhile. I got to see my Kemp/Athens friends, housing provided by the amazing Joblin family. I left Kemp much too quickly, to be truthful. Of course, you know me. I can't really be disappointed with more time with family. I'm pretty much obsessed with my family. Still. Kemp will always be home for me, and I miss it.
After spending Christmas weekend at my Nana and Pops's house in Texas, the Addisons loaded all our stuff (and our dogs) into our faithful suburban and headed to Estes Park, Colorado. If Texas was hot, Estes was COLD. Man, I've never known such temperatures! -2 degrees most days at our house! It was bad enough staying mostly inside- Matt was out there skiing three of those days! Family Christmas was amazing! Santa Claus outdid himself this year, y'all. I don't know that I remember I more fun Christmas morning (and it didn't even happen on the real day!).
And then before I knew what was happening, it was time to fly home. In a rush, my bags were packed, my goodbyes were said, and I was on a plane. Both my flights were majorly delayed, yet before I had time to really think I was back in New York City wandering around the airport completely unaware of where I was supposed to be picking up my bag from. Every time I leave my family for New York it's hard, but it really hit me this time. It didn't really make sense to me that I would leave behind all of that love, all of that easy, comfortable living for day-to-day work, alone... Why would I do that?
It was somewhere between Minneappolis and NYC at about 30,000 feet in the air that I realized that it's because I wasn't made for a normal life. God made me different- that's for sure! He made me special, with a special, unique purpose. I believe that with all my heart. So even when it's a little uncomfortable, I give myself over to Him. I know He'll take me where I need to be. My openness has a limit, but I'll just say that if I can't believe that God can do miraculous things after some news I received over the break, then I have no faith at all. I mean, just looking around me at all the things I've been able to do in my life shows what God's capable of!
So, I'm back. I'm almost finished with the first week of Second Semester, and it's gonna kick my butt. There is A LOT of work to be done this semester for every class. Tomorrow I will be impersonating Elvis Presley in my Styles class, reuniting with all my Section 7 buddies at Vivian's new apartment, and picking up my sisters from the airport. New York City daily rush is in full swing again!
There's just one more thing. Talking to people over the break who have been reading my blog, there was one main thing that stuck out to almost everyone who'd read it. They all spoke of it's optimistic, joyous tone; overflowing with happiness, as one put it. We all know that life on a daily basis is not the most wonderful, perfect, incredible experience ever. But that's what I write about. And it's no accident. The way I see it, there are two ways to look at life: up or down. Certainly, I could find things almost every day to be upset about. And I could worry about those things, write about them, let them affect me fully (this is what they LOOOVE at AADA). Or I could not bother with those things. I could see the other stuff. The daily things that fill me with contentment, whether it's as small as snow flake landing on my hand or as big as someone telling me that they love me, and meaning it.
I choose optimism. I choose contentment. I choose that half-full glass as many times as I possibly can. It's not always easy (or possible), but I have help from a pretty amazing, undying source. And if I can spread some of that optimism through this blog, then it's doing it's job. I hope your life is going wonderfully for you right now. And if your first thought is that it's not, take a moment, look around, and see if you can find something that can make it just a little brighter. I bet you a million dollars that you can.
That's all for now.
On top of all that I was apartment hunting via appointments set up for me by my sisters in Texas! I suppose it's time to come clean to everybody; I got swindled by my "broker" the first time around looking for an apartment. It wouldn't be such an embarrassing thing (It can always be viewed as a learning experience), except that I lost more than my pride: I lost $250 in the mix. Everybody sigh! But the sun will still come out! I continued to apartment hunt up until the very last minute (literally) before I flew home, eventually resulting in the night before my flight me and my friend Jake going to my new broker's office door at 2 in the morning and slipping applications and checks under her door in a sealed envelope. And then I had to start packing! But indeed I found a lovely three bedroom apartment for me and my two sisters to live in on 104th and 1st Ave. Yes... That is traditionally considered Harlem, but take a breath Grandma. I checked out the neighborhood. Only four homicides last year my cop ex-roommate says (That's a good number! Midtown has like 36!). I have been living there for a week and experienced nothing but being unnoticed by anyone around me. Except for one old guy who really wanted to be my friend when he saw me walking home with a big pizza for dinner.
Naturally, my first semester in New York City ended with me sprinting to my gate at JFK airport and almost missing my flight, and in the air becoming increasingly and increasingly more sick to the point that when I met my cousin Meredith picking me up she jumped when she heard me speak. On the flight, I made a new fan. My flight attendant (who was the best flight attendant in the world), greeted me as I entered the plane by asking what I did for work. Upon learning I was an actor and attending school she quickly informed that I needed to stick with it because I had a great demeanor and was going to make it. She continued to chat me up trhoughout the flight, offering genuinely thoughtful and encouraging advice, and then finished the ride home with a big armful of free snacks and a hug. It only occurred to me later that I should have told her about this blog- I need to start carrying cards!
Sickness or not, being home was amazing. A little weird at first, I won't lie; especially when it was almost 90 degrees the day after I got back to Texas. I have not experienced that kind of heat in awhile. I got to see my Kemp/Athens friends, housing provided by the amazing Joblin family. I left Kemp much too quickly, to be truthful. Of course, you know me. I can't really be disappointed with more time with family. I'm pretty much obsessed with my family. Still. Kemp will always be home for me, and I miss it.
After spending Christmas weekend at my Nana and Pops's house in Texas, the Addisons loaded all our stuff (and our dogs) into our faithful suburban and headed to Estes Park, Colorado. If Texas was hot, Estes was COLD. Man, I've never known such temperatures! -2 degrees most days at our house! It was bad enough staying mostly inside- Matt was out there skiing three of those days! Family Christmas was amazing! Santa Claus outdid himself this year, y'all. I don't know that I remember I more fun Christmas morning (and it didn't even happen on the real day!).
And then before I knew what was happening, it was time to fly home. In a rush, my bags were packed, my goodbyes were said, and I was on a plane. Both my flights were majorly delayed, yet before I had time to really think I was back in New York City wandering around the airport completely unaware of where I was supposed to be picking up my bag from. Every time I leave my family for New York it's hard, but it really hit me this time. It didn't really make sense to me that I would leave behind all of that love, all of that easy, comfortable living for day-to-day work, alone... Why would I do that?
It was somewhere between Minneappolis and NYC at about 30,000 feet in the air that I realized that it's because I wasn't made for a normal life. God made me different- that's for sure! He made me special, with a special, unique purpose. I believe that with all my heart. So even when it's a little uncomfortable, I give myself over to Him. I know He'll take me where I need to be. My openness has a limit, but I'll just say that if I can't believe that God can do miraculous things after some news I received over the break, then I have no faith at all. I mean, just looking around me at all the things I've been able to do in my life shows what God's capable of!
So, I'm back. I'm almost finished with the first week of Second Semester, and it's gonna kick my butt. There is A LOT of work to be done this semester for every class. Tomorrow I will be impersonating Elvis Presley in my Styles class, reuniting with all my Section 7 buddies at Vivian's new apartment, and picking up my sisters from the airport. New York City daily rush is in full swing again!
There's just one more thing. Talking to people over the break who have been reading my blog, there was one main thing that stuck out to almost everyone who'd read it. They all spoke of it's optimistic, joyous tone; overflowing with happiness, as one put it. We all know that life on a daily basis is not the most wonderful, perfect, incredible experience ever. But that's what I write about. And it's no accident. The way I see it, there are two ways to look at life: up or down. Certainly, I could find things almost every day to be upset about. And I could worry about those things, write about them, let them affect me fully (this is what they LOOOVE at AADA). Or I could not bother with those things. I could see the other stuff. The daily things that fill me with contentment, whether it's as small as snow flake landing on my hand or as big as someone telling me that they love me, and meaning it.
I choose optimism. I choose contentment. I choose that half-full glass as many times as I possibly can. It's not always easy (or possible), but I have help from a pretty amazing, undying source. And if I can spread some of that optimism through this blog, then it's doing it's job. I hope your life is going wonderfully for you right now. And if your first thought is that it's not, take a moment, look around, and see if you can find something that can make it just a little brighter. I bet you a million dollars that you can.
That's all for now.
Friday, December 3, 2010
The Tumultuous Week of the (Christian) Actor
The actor's life is a tumultuous one. In the week following Thanksgiving, I have gone from feeling blah about being back, to making a valiant effort to be in a great mood, to extreme disappointment with the school, to being more inspired about my career than I have ever been and once again comprehending the sheer flippin' awesome-ness of God.
I think it's probably going to always be tough to go see family and then return to NYC. Small town life (and Addison family life) and NYC life are so completely different, and while I've gotten to where I can truly say I Love New York, I will probably always be a small town boy at heart. Getting back Sunday night to an empty room and a crowded city made me feel a tad disillusioned, but I bucked up and made a decision to greet the next day full of friendliness and good cheer. And I did, and so did everyone else, and it was indeed delightful to see all my Section 7 buddies again. Then, unfortunately, Monday was followed by Tuesday (make sure and say that with a u-glide!), the suckiest of days, and the day on which I have to go to school from 11 in the morning to 8:30 at night. Also the day of Vocal Production class, the singing class which did nothing but infuriate and annoy me because I didn't even get to sing and I've had this dumb, unchallenging song from Beauty and the Beast waaaaay too long. I'm not learning anything in the class. So by the time I got to Alexander Technique, I was conversing annoyingly with my fellow Section mates how this school truly wasn't worth the tuition, I wasn't learning anything, I wished I could quit, wah wah wah! Naturally, that was the day that I had to stand up and do a monologue in Alexander, and my blah attitude showed through clear as day. Strangely enough, though, when that teacher started working on me, physically and mentally, and made me keep doing it 'til I got it right, I ended up delivering a small, comedic performance that everyone agreed was way more effective than my 'memorized monologue'.
I called my acting mentor, Robin Haynie, to let it all out- my disappointment with school, my strong will to be out working, my disagreements with the techniques we were learning- and do you know what she said? Putting all validness of the school aside (she's always wished I was in a University program somewhere), in either scenario the point of drama programs is to be in a place where you can PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE in a safe environment where someone just might be able to give you some good advice on how to improve. That's a simple truth. It's one that I've realized before, but needed reminding of. And really, it's pretty much exactly what AADA is there for: a place for me to practice my butt off, taking risks, and learning new methods that may or may not be what I choose to use; a safe place to go to deeper places than I ever have. As always, Ms. Haynie delivered the perfect advice. What's more, I think just letting it out and speaking my issues aloud was precisely what I needed to make me realize how meaningless they were. Besides what Robin said being totally true, I have even more incentive to be content: Faith. I have faith that God has put me and will continue to put me exactly where I need to be. Furthermore, I have been blessed- ooooh, have I been blessed! What right have I to complain?
Yesterday we had a Q&A with Judith Light, and it was probably the most inspiring, practical, real thing I've ever been to about my career. Everyone who went left visibly moved- I don't really know how to explain it. Judith was just so open and honest about how she works, and the things that inspire her. She's not a superstar like Kevin Kline, she's just a working, tremendously talented actress who has it figured out probably better than most anyone else. For those of you who can't put a face to the name, Judith Light starred for years on Who's the Boss- I've never seen that show, but from what I hear it's not exactly the epitome of monumental acting; what she's respected for is her decades worth of stage work in plays like Wit, A Doll's House, Hedda Gabler, and currently Lombardi. I know her from Ugly Betty (LOVE) on which she played Claire Meade. Perhaps the best way to share her brilliance is to tell you the main things she said that really struck me, though it will be nowhere near as eloquent as her:
I'm here for a reason. If I open my mind and heart, I can see it all around me. In huge, semi-life-changing things like Judith Light's Q&A to small things like discovering that Forever 21 prints John 3:16 on the bottom of all of their bags. Little affirmations. God has given me a dream, and I am here to fulfill that dream and that purpose. If I let go, he will guide me. I know that to be true. And that gives me more reason to fully devote myself, work my hardest, and believe in what I'm doing than anything else ever can.
I think it's probably going to always be tough to go see family and then return to NYC. Small town life (and Addison family life) and NYC life are so completely different, and while I've gotten to where I can truly say I Love New York, I will probably always be a small town boy at heart. Getting back Sunday night to an empty room and a crowded city made me feel a tad disillusioned, but I bucked up and made a decision to greet the next day full of friendliness and good cheer. And I did, and so did everyone else, and it was indeed delightful to see all my Section 7 buddies again. Then, unfortunately, Monday was followed by Tuesday (make sure and say that with a u-glide!), the suckiest of days, and the day on which I have to go to school from 11 in the morning to 8:30 at night. Also the day of Vocal Production class, the singing class which did nothing but infuriate and annoy me because I didn't even get to sing and I've had this dumb, unchallenging song from Beauty and the Beast waaaaay too long. I'm not learning anything in the class. So by the time I got to Alexander Technique, I was conversing annoyingly with my fellow Section mates how this school truly wasn't worth the tuition, I wasn't learning anything, I wished I could quit, wah wah wah! Naturally, that was the day that I had to stand up and do a monologue in Alexander, and my blah attitude showed through clear as day. Strangely enough, though, when that teacher started working on me, physically and mentally, and made me keep doing it 'til I got it right, I ended up delivering a small, comedic performance that everyone agreed was way more effective than my 'memorized monologue'.
I called my acting mentor, Robin Haynie, to let it all out- my disappointment with school, my strong will to be out working, my disagreements with the techniques we were learning- and do you know what she said? Putting all validness of the school aside (she's always wished I was in a University program somewhere), in either scenario the point of drama programs is to be in a place where you can PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE in a safe environment where someone just might be able to give you some good advice on how to improve. That's a simple truth. It's one that I've realized before, but needed reminding of. And really, it's pretty much exactly what AADA is there for: a place for me to practice my butt off, taking risks, and learning new methods that may or may not be what I choose to use; a safe place to go to deeper places than I ever have. As always, Ms. Haynie delivered the perfect advice. What's more, I think just letting it out and speaking my issues aloud was precisely what I needed to make me realize how meaningless they were. Besides what Robin said being totally true, I have even more incentive to be content: Faith. I have faith that God has put me and will continue to put me exactly where I need to be. Furthermore, I have been blessed- ooooh, have I been blessed! What right have I to complain?
Yesterday we had a Q&A with Judith Light, and it was probably the most inspiring, practical, real thing I've ever been to about my career. Everyone who went left visibly moved- I don't really know how to explain it. Judith was just so open and honest about how she works, and the things that inspire her. She's not a superstar like Kevin Kline, she's just a working, tremendously talented actress who has it figured out probably better than most anyone else. For those of you who can't put a face to the name, Judith Light starred for years on Who's the Boss- I've never seen that show, but from what I hear it's not exactly the epitome of monumental acting; what she's respected for is her decades worth of stage work in plays like Wit, A Doll's House, Hedda Gabler, and currently Lombardi. I know her from Ugly Betty (LOVE) on which she played Claire Meade. Perhaps the best way to share her brilliance is to tell you the main things she said that really struck me, though it will be nowhere near as eloquent as her:
- Acting is a Service Industry; we perform to serve people because they need something- to be entertained, moved, have catharsis, whatever. If they didn't need something, they wouldn't be paying to watch us. So it's important to remember as an actor that it's not about you. It's about what you can give. She talked about when she did Wit (for those of you who didn't see it when I did it, it's a riveting play about a woman with ovarian cancer coming to terms with the false views she's had about life. It's probably one of the most taxing roles a woman could play.). Each night she'd be sitting backstage at half hour to curtain saying, "You know I really don't feel like doing this tonight." And her husband would say, "Well, you've got a half hour to start feeling like it." And this would go on until 5 minutes to show, and then she would say a little prayer: Help me to be what these people need to see. And then she'd be ready to go. Every night.
- To be successful, you have to get to a point of really knowing yourself and your instrument well enough that you can have confidence that you are enough and will deliver the performance needed. It's tough, it takes years of practice, but you can get there. Decide that you deserve it. Decide to greet your work with open mind and open heart.
- There are greater forces at work in this universe, and if you trust them they will guide you to where you need to go. (I think Judith may be a secret Christian.)
I'm here for a reason. If I open my mind and heart, I can see it all around me. In huge, semi-life-changing things like Judith Light's Q&A to small things like discovering that Forever 21 prints John 3:16 on the bottom of all of their bags. Little affirmations. God has given me a dream, and I am here to fulfill that dream and that purpose. If I let go, he will guide me. I know that to be true. And that gives me more reason to fully devote myself, work my hardest, and believe in what I'm doing than anything else ever can.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Easy A
Let's talk about Easy A. Most of you have probably heard of this movie- well, let me rephrase that statement: Most of you under the age of 25. It's a little high school flick starring the delightful Emma Stone about a girl who unintentionally starts spreading rumors about her own sexual activity with unfortunate results. This starts when, in a spur-of-the-moment decision, she decides to lie about losing her virginity to a college student, sparking further and further lies to help her own and others reputations, eventually coming to being paid to say that she 'did things' with less-popular students. Naturally, the whole situation becomes out of her control and leads to situations she could never have expected. I honestly really liked the movie, and thought it had a lot of good things to say.
But what's really worth thinking about is the portrayal of Christians. Amanda Bynes plays the Christian girl in school, head of the 'Christian club' that really just goes around condemning people and acting pretentious. These kids sit around and sing African American hymns to guitar and protest all the things they can possibly find to be anti-Christian, while really only accomplishing annoying the crap out of and alienating everyone. These situations are funny, but, for a Christian, also uncomfortable because it's not that far from the truth.
It gets a little more upsetting than that, though. When things really get out of hand and our little heroine decides to seek help from God, she heads into the nearest Catholic church and sits herself down in a confessional. She pours her little heart out in a genuinely touching scene, only to open the screen separating her from the priest to find that there is no one there. After that unsuccessful attempt at Christian condolence, she heads to a Methodist church to speak with a pastor. This does not go well. She never really gets around to what she wants guidance about because the pastor can only really focus on telling her over and over and over that there is a Hell. Furthermore, she discovers that this pastor is the father of her Christian schoolmate that has been giving her the Hell she went to the church to try and find some help for.
To an average viewer, these seemingly harmless scenes are nothing more than laugh-getters. Sadly there's a little more to it than that. A young, confused teenage girl going through a small crisis finds, instead of a helping hand, a practical enemy in the Christians at her school. It's not just her, though. Everyone hates the 'Christian clique' at the school, and for good reason: They're a bunch of judgemental, pretentious, exclusive little kids. Despite this clear discouragement, our leading lady still heads to the church for guidance when she feels truly overwhelmed. But what does she find when she opens up and is honest about what she's feeling and the things she's unsure about? An empty chair. No one listening. People who don't wanna listen, but just overpower, never even allowing her to speak her mind. It's truly disconcerting to realize that the church, Christians are seen this way. It's more disconcerting to realize that it is probably based in some truth.
If living in New York City for close to a month now has taught me anything, it's that people everywhere are lost, looking for something, anything to give them a little reason. This movie is a perfect example of that. Yes, it's a silly, fun teenage flick. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have something to say. Has the church become so distanced from the world that it can't be a place of help when an 'outsider' seeks it? Are we so engrossed in being different from the world that those wishing to can't find solace? When the world comes to us after all their efforts have failed, and pours out it's insecurities and unsureness for us, will we listen and be there and show them the love they seek? Or will we be an empty chair? Hard questions to ponder.
Going to acting school in NYC, I am surrounded by people without faith, people who measure their lives by fleeting, material things. Don't get me wrong- They are delightful, fantastic folks and I'm so glad I know them, but I am different from almost all of them because of my faith. It doesn't get to me. I have absolute confidence in my belief, and you know what's remarkable about that? I don't have to be forceful, pushy, pretentious, judgemental or any of those other unfortunate Christian cliches. My unwavering faith speaks strong enough on its own. And when people come to me with their issues and questions (and they do), I listen. I don't judge or condemn. I tell them what I know to be true. And I show them love. Love is all over the Bible. '...For God so loved the world...', '...love thy neighbor as thyself...', '...Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love...' God was pretty big on love. I'm pretty sure he intended the church to be so as well.
There was one more scene in that movie worth looking at: Near the end when the main girl is broadcasting a live video blog which she has coerced everyone into watching with a (false) promise of taking her clothes off, we see the aforementioned insensitive pastor watching on his laptop and becoming angry when the girl does not go through with her promised strip-fest. This unfortunately not far-fetched scene also has something to say, albeit in an unintentional way: No matter how different we aspire to be from the world (as we should; God demands holiness), we still are part of it. We are not Christ. We are not above our fellow man. We are just like them- we just happen to have reason to try and be better. We should listen to what they have to say, show a little understanding, a little love. I'm pretty sure that's what big J.C. would have done. I hope the church, Christians can get back to that.
But what's really worth thinking about is the portrayal of Christians. Amanda Bynes plays the Christian girl in school, head of the 'Christian club' that really just goes around condemning people and acting pretentious. These kids sit around and sing African American hymns to guitar and protest all the things they can possibly find to be anti-Christian, while really only accomplishing annoying the crap out of and alienating everyone. These situations are funny, but, for a Christian, also uncomfortable because it's not that far from the truth.
It gets a little more upsetting than that, though. When things really get out of hand and our little heroine decides to seek help from God, she heads into the nearest Catholic church and sits herself down in a confessional. She pours her little heart out in a genuinely touching scene, only to open the screen separating her from the priest to find that there is no one there. After that unsuccessful attempt at Christian condolence, she heads to a Methodist church to speak with a pastor. This does not go well. She never really gets around to what she wants guidance about because the pastor can only really focus on telling her over and over and over that there is a Hell. Furthermore, she discovers that this pastor is the father of her Christian schoolmate that has been giving her the Hell she went to the church to try and find some help for.
To an average viewer, these seemingly harmless scenes are nothing more than laugh-getters. Sadly there's a little more to it than that. A young, confused teenage girl going through a small crisis finds, instead of a helping hand, a practical enemy in the Christians at her school. It's not just her, though. Everyone hates the 'Christian clique' at the school, and for good reason: They're a bunch of judgemental, pretentious, exclusive little kids. Despite this clear discouragement, our leading lady still heads to the church for guidance when she feels truly overwhelmed. But what does she find when she opens up and is honest about what she's feeling and the things she's unsure about? An empty chair. No one listening. People who don't wanna listen, but just overpower, never even allowing her to speak her mind. It's truly disconcerting to realize that the church, Christians are seen this way. It's more disconcerting to realize that it is probably based in some truth.
If living in New York City for close to a month now has taught me anything, it's that people everywhere are lost, looking for something, anything to give them a little reason. This movie is a perfect example of that. Yes, it's a silly, fun teenage flick. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have something to say. Has the church become so distanced from the world that it can't be a place of help when an 'outsider' seeks it? Are we so engrossed in being different from the world that those wishing to can't find solace? When the world comes to us after all their efforts have failed, and pours out it's insecurities and unsureness for us, will we listen and be there and show them the love they seek? Or will we be an empty chair? Hard questions to ponder.
Going to acting school in NYC, I am surrounded by people without faith, people who measure their lives by fleeting, material things. Don't get me wrong- They are delightful, fantastic folks and I'm so glad I know them, but I am different from almost all of them because of my faith. It doesn't get to me. I have absolute confidence in my belief, and you know what's remarkable about that? I don't have to be forceful, pushy, pretentious, judgemental or any of those other unfortunate Christian cliches. My unwavering faith speaks strong enough on its own. And when people come to me with their issues and questions (and they do), I listen. I don't judge or condemn. I tell them what I know to be true. And I show them love. Love is all over the Bible. '...For God so loved the world...', '...love thy neighbor as thyself...', '...Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love...' God was pretty big on love. I'm pretty sure he intended the church to be so as well.
There was one more scene in that movie worth looking at: Near the end when the main girl is broadcasting a live video blog which she has coerced everyone into watching with a (false) promise of taking her clothes off, we see the aforementioned insensitive pastor watching on his laptop and becoming angry when the girl does not go through with her promised strip-fest. This unfortunately not far-fetched scene also has something to say, albeit in an unintentional way: No matter how different we aspire to be from the world (as we should; God demands holiness), we still are part of it. We are not Christ. We are not above our fellow man. We are just like them- we just happen to have reason to try and be better. We should listen to what they have to say, show a little understanding, a little love. I'm pretty sure that's what big J.C. would have done. I hope the church, Christians can get back to that.
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