Joyous Christmas

Winter has officially arrived in the city, my friends. Every day I emerge from my room with a jacket, a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, and a big fluffy hat on my head. I don't care how ridiculous I look- It's cold, y'all! Of course, scarves are a much more common occurrence up here; in fact, you might be an outsider if you didn't wear a scarf this time of year. Still. That long piece of cloth I'm wrapping around my neck feels a bit alien to me. It's become a true friend, though.

There's more than just cold to herald the season of joy, though; Christmas is in the air everywhere! This morning I walked onto the street to find hundreds of Santa Clauses running around and chanting and dancing (I even saw one holding up a sign that said "Elves are NOT slaves!!!"). I wish I'd had a camera with me. It was a joyous sight, the Santas' irrepressible joy spreading infectiously to everyone around them. I mean everyone too: I have never seen Midtown so crowded as it has become over the past few weeks. Everyone rushing into the big city to do their Christmas shopping, take in the sights. I can't really blame them. The window displays alone are worth it.

Still, it hasn't been all fun and games. Contrary to popular belief, we actually do work at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, and lately I've been making myself slack off as little as possible. It hasn't been the all-around easiest time of the year, either. For the first time, I've gone through some really bad mood days... you know those ones. They're yuck. But I try not to let those days happen. When they do, I find the simplest and most effective thing to do is take one step back and remember just how many innumerable things I have to be thankful for. It's pretty easy to dispel those bad moods then.

There's no denying that this has been emotional year for me- it would be a bit weird if it hadn't been. I mean, I left home for the first time and moved to a place so completely different from anything I've ever known that sometimes it still pleasantly surprises me that I actually live here. Sometimes I lie in my bed at night and I cry, but for what is probably the first time in my life I can say that those are tears of joy, not sadness. Joy, overflowing from within me. Joy at all the amazing miracles that have been given to me in my life. When was the last time you stepped back and took a look at all the things God has done for you in your life? You might just find yourself tearing up too.

And what better time to be joyous? IT'S CHRISTMAS! This is the most magical time of the year. A time for miracles, for joy, for love. A time to believe. It's a time when friends hold each other tight, pretending it's for warmth but really just wanting to hug each other as long as they can. It's a time when there's nothing more comforting than just being with your family. This is the season of hot chocolate, presents, snow, waking up on Christmas morning, Santa Claus, a time for peace and love. It's the celebration of the most joyous, magnificent, mysterious, amazing event ever to happen to this Earth, the birth of the One who gives hope. It's a time to believe. My life is built on belief that there is something more, something divine guiding me. There's no more wonderful time to believe than this time of year. (You know it's a time of miracles when I somehow manage to meet and take a picture with BERNADETTE FREAKIN' PETERS!)

This season is never wasted on me; Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. So remember that! And spread some of that Christmas cheer!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! Enjoy every minute of it. I'll be seeing a lot of you very soon. :)

World-Changer

Sometimes I get restless. Despite the fact that I'm living in flippin' New York City, attending one of the best acting schools in the country, and am one of the most blessed people in the world- I still feel like there's more for me out there. I want to change the world. I've known this almost my entire life- I've felt that there was something very special planned for me for as long as I can remember. But I still get scared; I don't know if I'm really anything special at all sometimes. Who am I to think I could be of relevance to this world?

Yet I can't shake that feeling (I've never been able to shake it): I'm supposed to change the world.

The world doesn't make it all that easy. Earth can be a discouraging place to live, folks; I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. Circumstances can be hard. People can be hurtful. It's so easy to get in a pessimistic, unbelieving, and unhappy mindset. Your heart can break.

But it can also mend. You can believe again.

All around me there are people trudging through life, taking each miserable step just to get to the next. Then there's me, sometimes practically skipping through the streets of New York, a big smile on my face. Maybe that's why people keep staring at me. Well, let 'em stare! Maybe my ridiculously goofy smile will spread to their faces just a little- wouldn't that be awesome?

I'm made to do this. I know that. I feel it confirmed every time I pray, every time I'm in church. God has given me gifts that were meant to be shared with the world. I don't say this out of cockiness; it's a destiny thing. God put the dream in me, and I won't stop believing.

Still, sometimes I get restless. I don't think it has so much to do with not being a world-changer. I think it has to do more with the weak, human fear I feel each time I feel I wanna change the world and a little voice whispers in my ear, "Then do it."

Don't really know why I felt compelled to write this today. Oh well. Inspiring video of the week:

The Tumultuous Week of the (Christian) Actor

The actor's life is a tumultuous one. In the week following Thanksgiving, I have gone from feeling blah about being back, to making a valiant effort to be in a great mood, to extreme disappointment with the school, to being more inspired about my career than I have ever been and once again comprehending the sheer flippin' awesome-ness of God.

I think it's probably going to always be tough to go see family and then return to NYC. Small town life (and Addison family life) and NYC life are so completely different, and while I've gotten to where I can truly say I Love New York, I will probably always be a small town boy at heart. Getting back Sunday night to an empty room and a crowded city made me feel a tad disillusioned, but I bucked up and made a decision to greet the next day full of friendliness and good cheer. And I did, and so did everyone else, and it was indeed delightful to see all my Section 7 buddies again. Then, unfortunately, Monday was followed by Tuesday (make sure and say that with a u-glide!), the suckiest of days, and the day on which I have to go to school from 11 in the morning to 8:30 at night. Also the day of Vocal Production class, the singing class which did nothing but infuriate and annoy me because I didn't even get to sing and I've had this dumb, unchallenging song from Beauty and the Beast waaaaay too long. I'm not learning anything in the class. So by the time I got to Alexander Technique, I was conversing annoyingly with my fellow Section mates how this school truly wasn't worth the tuition, I wasn't learning anything, I wished I could quit, wah wah wah! Naturally, that was the day that I had to stand up and do a monologue in Alexander, and my blah attitude showed through clear as day. Strangely enough, though, when that teacher started working on me, physically and mentally, and made me keep doing it 'til I got it right, I ended up delivering a small, comedic performance that everyone agreed was way more effective than my 'memorized monologue'.

I called my acting mentor, Robin Haynie, to let it all out- my disappointment with school, my strong will to be out working, my disagreements with the techniques we were learning- and do you know what she said? Putting all validness of the school aside (she's always wished I was in a University program somewhere), in either scenario the point of drama programs is to be in a place where you can PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE in a safe environment where someone just might be able to give you some good advice on how to improve. That's a simple truth. It's one that I've realized before, but needed reminding of. And really, it's pretty much exactly what AADA is there for: a place for me to practice my butt off, taking risks, and learning new methods that may or may not be what I choose to use; a safe place to go to deeper places than I ever have. As always, Ms. Haynie delivered the perfect advice. What's more, I think just letting it out and speaking my issues aloud was precisely what I needed to make me realize how meaningless they were. Besides what Robin said being totally true, I have even more incentive to be content: Faith. I have faith that God has put me and will continue to put me exactly where I need to be. Furthermore, I have been blessed- ooooh, have I been blessed! What right have I to complain?

Yesterday we had a Q&A with Judith Light, and it was probably the most inspiring, practical, real thing I've ever been to about my career. Everyone who went left visibly moved- I don't really know how to explain it. Judith was just so open and honest about how she works, and the things that inspire her. She's not a superstar like Kevin Kline, she's just a working, tremendously talented actress who has it figured out probably better than most anyone else. For those of you who can't put a face to the name, Judith Light starred for years on Who's the Boss- I've never seen that show, but from what I hear it's not exactly the epitome of monumental acting; what she's respected for is her decades worth of stage work in plays like Wit, A Doll's House, Hedda Gabler, and currently Lombardi. I know her from Ugly Betty (LOVE) on which she played Claire Meade. Perhaps the best way to share her brilliance is to tell you the main things she said that really struck me, though it will be nowhere near as eloquent as her:

• Acting is a Service Industry; we perform to serve people because they need something- to be entertained, moved, have catharsis, whatever. If they didn't need something, they wouldn't be paying to watch us. So it's important to remember as an actor that it's not about you. It's about what you can give. She talked about when she did Wit (for those of you who didn't see it when I did it, it's a riveting play about a woman with ovarian cancer coming to terms with the false views she's had about life. It's probably one of the most taxing roles a woman could play.). Each night she'd be sitting backstage at half hour to curtain saying, "You know I really don't feel like doing this tonight." And her husband would say, "Well, you've got a half hour to start feeling like it." And this would go on until 5 minutes to show, and then she would say a little prayer: Help me to be what these people need to see. And then she'd be ready to go. Every night.
• To be successful, you have to get to a point of really knowing yourself and your instrument well enough that you can have confidence that you are enough and will deliver the performance needed. It's tough, it takes years of practice, but you can get there. Decide that you deserve it. Decide to greet your work with open mind and open heart.
• There are greater forces at work in this universe, and if you trust them they will guide you to where you need to go. (I think Judith may be a secret Christian.)

I honestly don't think I will ever forget it. And then in class, my partner Ariana and I did the best read-thru of any of the new scenes yet. In rehearsal, we'd had a lot of trouble taking it seriously, so finally I said: If it's not serious, it's not serious. If we need to laugh, laugh. So we did, and we let it all out. And then we were ready. We went for it, and if I do say so myself, we hit it out of the ballpark.

I'm here for a reason. If I open my mind and heart, I can see it all around me. In huge, semi-life-changing things like Judith Light's Q&A to small things like discovering that Forever 21 prints John 3:16 on the bottom of all of their bags. Little affirmations. God has given me a dream, and I am here to fulfill that dream and that purpose. If I let go, he will guide me. I know that to be true. And that gives me more reason to fully devote myself, work my hardest, and believe in what I'm doing than anything else ever can.

We are Enough.

There's something we talk about a lot at AADA, a simple truth we have to be able to trust ourselves with in order to be really great performers: We Are Enough. So many people who act or perform try to put on a show- they pretend, create characters, etc- but in reality a lot of the most fascinating, moving, unforgettable moments come when people are really honest, when they are themselves reacting to their circumstances. It's a rather deep philosophy, and a little bit hard for many actors to believe- including myself. Yet it's true. If anything they've said at AADA thus far has been proven through the work, it's this. When the people working (whether it be in a scene or a song or even a dance) let go and are totally honest and open with their instincts and feelings, we all sit forward in our seats. We all look up from whatever we're doing. We can't take our eyes off of them.

 It's an interesting idea, isn't it? When people are themselves, fully expressed and uninhibited, they are most fascinating. That could probably be applied to a lot more than acting class.

As is generally the case with life, it comes and goes in a rush; life is a rollercoaster of emotions and events, and don't you try to deny it. In one day someone can say something to me that lands and festers like an unattended cut until it messes up my whole day, and then later that night I can attend the most fun midnight showing of Harry Potter of all time and be truly happy. Let me tell you: This was truly the BEST midnight showing EVER. It probably had something to do with the general nerdiness and excitement of the group I went with. We were the ones sprinting down the streets of New York, casting spells at innocent standers-by and screaming as we were pursued by imaginary death eaters. If that didn't attract your attention, you could have just checked out the lightning scars on our foreheads. On top of all that, we managed to be allowed to watch in a special, set-aside theater with probably no more than twenty other people who were all just as excited as us; naturally we all became friends. Not to mention we took some pretty rockin' pictures and I was lookin' fine. By the time I went to sleep that night, I couldn't have cared less what that person said that upset me so much.

I can't not look back, then, and wonder why I even bothered being upset in the first place? Whatever was said to me (or ever is, for that matter) is never going to really matter if I'm fully comfortable with myself and who I am. And what right have I to ever really not be comfortable with myself? Was I not created this way? Was I a mistake? Certainly not. And that's an awesome thought. And you know what else is cool? It works both ways. When I'm fully comfortable with myself and being totally uninhibited and real, everyone else thinks I'm pretty neat too. Those few who don't probably have some personal issues of their own to work out.

In less than 24 hours, I will be heading home for the first time since school started; by home I mean to my family, those fantastical, amazing people who always love me for who I am. Still, I have a feeling it's going to feel a little weird to be back in a small town. Isn't it crazy that I have three weeks left of this semester? This city has been an incredible, totally unique place to live, and I would lie if I said I haven't gotten used to the big city. There's just something about stepping onto the streets of New York. I'll miss it while I'm gone. They're setting everything up for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that goes right down my street, and a little part of me wishes I could be hear to see it. Having said that, I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME AND I AM SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT!!

Now for the big news: I am getting an apartment! Me and my friend Jake have started the application process for a lovely 4-bedroom on 100th St for nice little price. In typical NYC fashion, it happened in a heartbeat. We saw it one day and signed for it the next. As for those two extra bedrooms, we may have to put them up for rent on craigslist, but as of right now I believe they will be filled by two delightful ladies who I happen to love very much. Their names start with A & J. I will say nothing more...

We did the final performances of our first scenes today in class, and again I had one of my classmates tell me it was fantastic; my personal best, they said. Even our Bill Murray-look-alike teacher, Chris, had nothing but praise for us. It's good to hear those things. It's encouraging. It's affirming.

I am enough. You are enough. We are brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous; it scares us a little bit sometimes. But it's true. And when you are you, you are real, you are uninhibited and open and happy, people will not be able to take their eyes off of you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made; a fascinating and beautiful creation. And those people who don't like it aren't worth a second thought.

Irony at AADA

Life is full of irony, isn't it? Today I felt truly legit. We had a guest speaker come to our school named Kevin Kline. Yes. That Kevin Kline. Academy Award winner Kevin Kline. Came and had a little chat about the performer's life and mingled with us like we were old chums. It was undeniably cool, and he was utterly charming.

The night before was spent working until after 1 in the morning on coloring sheets for Movement Class. Yes. I'm serious. Coloring sheets.

So, essentially, within 24 hours I'd felt both completely grown up and like I was in kindergarten both as a result of AADA. Irony. One of life's most delightful little pleasures. (And ever so useful as an actor!)

I sang my song all the way through for my Section in Vocal Production yesterday and they now all are convinced that if I were to audition for a musical on Broadway tomorrow I would be cast. It's those little moments that make it all worth it. Section work continues to go well, and our group's choreography for All That Jazz is kicking everyone else's butt. The Good Week continues...

I sense an amazing week coming....

Macy's has got the first of it's Christmas window displays out. Giant animatronic scenes from Miracle on 34th Street (Which is where I live. Yeah. Be jealous.), a giant Christmas tree over the entrance, and huge sign hanging several stories high that says, "BELIEVE". Words cannot express how happy this makes me every time I see it. And I've been told by someone in the know, that these are actually just the pre-displays- the best is yet to come. I've been making a Christmas list, downloaded Mariah Carey's 'All I Want for Christmas is You' to my ipod, and started having dreams about snow. I am catching the Christmas spirit, y'all.

Stephanie Derrick, my friend from high school said this in her 30 Things about Me note on Facebook: "Jay Addison is one of the most... energizing, freeing, spirited, moving, motivational people I have ever met." I think it's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. It pretty much made my life.

The Empire State Building has had blue and white lights illuminating the top for the past week. AADA colors. Represent.

This week I'm rehearsing/choreographing the opening overture to Chicago with my group from Movement, and we are FIERCE. On Wednesday Academy Award winner Kevin Kline will be at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts for a Q&A and I will be attending. On Thursday at midnight, I will be attending Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at midnight on 42nd Street and the fanboy in me will be at full throttle. My friend Jake and I are in the throws of considering/searching for a possible apartment next semester. And in approximately 9 days I will be flying home to my family for Thanksgiving. This is gonna be an amazing week. :)

I love my life. And I love the One who blesses me with it.

Love Overflowing...

I've been feeling an urge to change the world again lately. Every now and then it sneaks up on me and really hits me like BAM! Probably has to do with the scene work we've been doing in Acting class, which me and my partner Kait have been kicking butt at if I do say so myself. We had our midterm evaluations which consisted of all of our teachers stating what they thought of us on a sheet of paper and then meeting privately with our Acting teacher; essentially, they all love me. I kid, I kid. There are plenty of things for me to work on. My Acting teacher's main complaint was that I wasn't being quite the leader that he felt I was supposed to be. Story of my life...

Two new favorites from the Gym Chronicles: An entire team of some indistinguishable sport, all foreign. Probably Austrian or Swedish. Don't know why I would assume that since I have no idea what Austrians or Swedes look or sound like, but there you go. They all came in together in their spandex outfits and pulled the mats out into the middle of the floor and stretched in an unorganized manner. This lasted maybe 10 minutes. Then they all finished, stacked the mats back in the corner, and left. Good workout, huh? Second favorite: An old man who stood next to his wife jogging on the treadmill the whole time she ran, waiting for her to finish because he just wanted to be with her. His only activity was asking whether she needed more water or a towel or anything. Altogether now: AWW!

I watched Toy Story 3 with some friends from school tonight, and I must ardently warn any college freshman against watching that movie unless you are prepared for a big fat cry-fest. Lemme tell ya, we was all in tears. Such a good movie, but boy does it hit home right about now!

Home... I've been missing that place lately. When I think of home, I think of a place where there's love overflowing... I love that song. That's one thing that NYC, with all it's endless thrills, adventures, and excitement, is not: a place where there's love overflowing. That place is home, with my incredible, amazing, irreplaceable family who I miss like a you-know-what. THIRTEEN days until I go home; yes, I am counting. And yes, I cannot wait for those thirteen days to go by. 

However, there's just something about stepping out onto the streets of New York City. It's so alive, people everywhere, all ambitious (Some a little too ambitious. I'm talking to YOU, lady who nearly took me down on the sidewalk and then bustled off as if it was my fault.). This city is a place of energy, dreams, and people. People with the capacity to love; only most of the time they don't. They're too scared, or too busy, or selfish. Maybe they've spent their life never really thinking of anywhere as 'home', never giving or receiving love? But what if they did? You can either let this city make you feel very small, or you can feed off that energy and feel on top of the world when you step onto the sidewalk. It ain't always easy, but as much as I can... I choose the latter. And maybe when I get filled up with that energy, I could send it back out, in the form of love... overflowing from me and infecting the people around me, filling hearts... a world full of love... and then maybe this city, this world could be, just a little bit, like Home.

(At least that's my cheesy, dramatic, eternally optimistic idea.)