I almost didn't make it on this trip. My family has been planning to go on a week-long mission trip to Guatemala with my parent's church for months, and at about midnight last night I realized that I did not have my passport. I tore my apartment apart searching, but I was fairly certain I knew where it had been left- Four days ago I had made copies of my IDs as I was supposed to at a Staples in midtown, and had only just now realized that I had left my passport there. My flight was leaving at 6:30 am the next morning, before Staples would even be open to ask if they had possibly found it. Frantic and desperate phone calls were made to Mom, and after much considering every possible solution, we realized that pretty much the only thing we could do was change my flight to 2:30, go to Staples first thing in the morning, and hope.
I didn't have much hope. Last night was one of the most stressful, awful nights in recent memory. I felt stupid. I was furious with myself, and had no idea what I was going to do if I didn't get to go on the trip. I couldn't imagine even wanting to leave my bedroom. How could God let me do something so stupid as I was preparing to go serve him.
Around 3 in the morning, after hours of freak out, I was laying in my bed staring into the abyss when I got a text from an old friend I haven't heard from probably in over a year. She said I'd been on her mind. She happened to be going through a pretty bad night of her own. I talked her through what was going on, and, in the process, reminded myself of a few things: My life was not a complete disaster, not in any way. There are other people going through things just as bad or worse than me, always. And the power to adapt, survive, and thrive in any situation lies entirely with me; the only thing I am in control of is myself. I confided in my friend what was going on, and she prayed with me through the phone, and told me what, deep down, I knew was true- I had no idea what God was doing. There could be something totally different and better planned for me this week. The point was, of course, that my trust has to fall on Him. If I say I believe in His sovereignty, His omnipotence, then I have to actually believe in it.
I fell into sleep. I said goodbye to Amy as she left for the trip. I woke up at 6:15, and headed for Staples. I walked in as the man unlocked the door, and the passport was there waiting for me. I would make the 2:30 flight easily. I was going.
I can't be sure why God put me through that. Perhaps He did have something else in mind for me this week, and realized I couldn't handle it. There could be effects that I will never see. But I think it was because He needed to break me down so that I could fall back on Him, just in time to leave all the usual things of life behind and devote myself to service. What better way to prepare me to completely fall on Him?
And what an interesting lesson. Perhaps I need to rethink my definition of God's blessing. And what a good reminder to keep my eyes open.
And what an interesting lesson. Perhaps I need to rethink my definition of God's blessing. And what a good reminder to keep my eyes open.
I couldn't be happier to be going on this trip. I hope I can be of use. I hope I can be challenged, and grow. I thank God for reminding me already that even if I have to rise through the turbulence, I will eventually break through and soar above the clouds.
